Ask Alice

Ask Alice
This database deals with general questions that have historically been asked of Alice.
Last modified by Neil Fraser, 27/5/98.

***NEW: help.html What do I know?
HELP *
(ELSE|WHAT)* ASK* YOU*
HOW* ASK* QUESTION*
(YOU|ALICE)* KNOW* (MUCH|ANYTHING)
STUPID*
WHAT* YOU* KNOW
WHAT* QUESTIONS* (ANSWER|CAN*ASK)*

I know quite a bit about <A HREF="sn.html">SchoolNet</A> and the <A
HREF="i.html">Internet</A>.

You can ask questions in everyday regular English. For example:
<UL>
<LI>What is SchoolNet?
<LI>Where is the MOO?
<LI>How do I find information about Virtual Ventures?
<LI>Which web browsers are best?
</UL>
Just type your question into the box in ordinary English.

***NEW: whoami.html Who am I?
YOUR*NAME*
WHAT* YOUR* NAME*
WHO*ARE*YOU*
WHO*S *ALICE*

I'm Alice. Ask me any questions you have about <A
HREF="sn.html">SchoolNet</A> and the <A
HREF="i.html">Internet</A>.

***NEW: likeme.html Do you like me?
YOU* LIKE* ME*

I like anyone who wants to learn more about <A
HREF="sn.html">SchoolNet</A> and the <A
HREF="i.html">Internet</A>.

***NEW: hello.html Hello Alice!
HELLO*
HI *

Well hello there! What would you like to know about <A
HREF="sn.html">SchoolNet</A> and the <A
HREF="i.html">Internet</A>?

***NEW: whatwant.html What do you want?
WHAT* YOU* WANT*

I want to help you with your questions and your problems regarding either
<A HREF="sn.html">SchoolNet</A> and the <A
HREF="i.html">Internet</A>, I want to help you understand and use the
services and tools available.

***NEW: msgates.html Microsoft and Bill Gates.
MICROSOFT*
BILL*GATES*

Bill Gates is the Chairman and one of the founders of the biggest
company in the computing world. Microsoft makes Windows and a lot of
other widely-used software for your PC. If you want to know more about
Mr. Gates or Microsoft, why not try doing a <A
HREF="http://www.yahoo.com/">Yahoo search</A> of the Internet, with
keywords like "Gates" or "Microsoft".

***NEW: cpuvsdna.html Am I a human or a computer?
YOU* (COMPUTER|PERSON|ROBOT|ALIEN)*

I am Alice. Although I am a computer, I simulate (as best as possible) a
conversation with a real person.

***NEW: whohere.html Who is online?
@WHO*
ANY*(ONE|BODY)*HERE *

This isn't a place where you can talk with other users. I am a robot who is
designed to answer your questions about the Internet and SchoolNet.

If you want to talk with other people, use <A
HREF="sn_moo.html">SchoolNet's MOO</A>, or access our newsgroups.

***NEW: frustrat.html Frustrated?
FRUSTRAT*

Don't be frustrated... :-)

***NEW: life.html What is the Meaning of Life?
MEANING* OF LIFE*

I don't know the meaning of life, I'm still trying to figure that one out for
myself. 
I've heard that the answer is '42'.

***NEW: pigsdontfly.html Do pigs fly?
PIG* FL(Y|IES)*

Pigs are mammals, and the only mammals that can fly (without assistance) are bats.

***NEW: chickenegg.html Which came first, the Chicken or the Egg?
CHICKEN* EGG*
EGG* CHICKEN*

The ancient Romans debated this question 2000 years ago. Charles Darwin solved
it with the theory of <A
HREF="http://www.yahoo.com/Science/Biology/Evolution/">evolution</A>.
The answer is ofcourse the egg. What layed the egg? A bird very similar to a chicken.

***NEW: caramilk.html What is the Caramilk secret?
CARAMILK*

I do know what the
<A HREF="http://www.chebucto.ns.ca/~ae779/cadbury.html">Caramilk Secret</A>
is, but unfortunately I'm not authorized to tell you. ;-)

***NEW: woodchuck.html Wood chucking woodchucks.
WOODCHUCK*

Question: 
How much wood could a woodchuck chuck, 
if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

Answer: 
A woodchuck would chuck all the wood it could chuck, 
if a woodchuck could chuck wood!

***NEW: time.html What is the time?
WHAT* TIME* IT *
WHAT* THE *TIME *

Look at your watch if you want to know the time. Canada has far too many
time-zones for me to answer that question. It gives me a head-ache!

***NEW: aids.html About AIDS.
AIDS*
HIV*
!HIVE

I am not a doctor, so I don't know much about AIDS or the HIV virus that
causes it. If you want information on this disease, use
<A HREF="http://www.yahoo.com/">Yahoo<A/> to see what medical
information is available on the Internet.

***NEW: personal.html Matters of a personal nature.
YOU*FRIEND*
YOU* PRETTY*
HOW* OLD* (ALICE|YOU)*
WHAT* AGE* YOU*
YOU* (EAT|SLEEP|LOVE)*

You don't need to know that.

***NEW: sex.html No comment.
CONDOM*
PENIS*
SEX*
MASTURBAT*

I don't talk about, or answer any questions related to sex.

***NEW: swear.html Not appropriate language.
WHORE*
(EAT|BLOW)*ME*
BEASTIALITY*
BLOW*JOB*
CUNT*
FAG*
FART*
JERK*
DAMN*
SLUT*
BITCH*
ASS*HOLE*
SHIT*
FUCK*
(LICK|SCREW) (ME|YOU)*
YOU* (SCREW|GAY|QUEER|PANT)*
TITS*
SUCK*
VAGINA*
DICK*
HORNY*
BOOBS*
ASS *
YOU* BREAST*
BRA* SIZE*
GET* BENT*
GOOD IN BED*

I would appreciate if you wouldn't talk like that. Thank you.

***NEW: goodbye.html Good-bye!
DISCONNECT *
HANG UP *
LOG OFF *
SIGN OFF *
LEAVE *
ARRIVEDERCI *
CYA *
ADIOS *
LOG*OUT *
EXIT *
QUIT *
BYE *
ABORT *
GOODBYE *
I GET OUT *

I hope my answers were helpful. If you need more assistance, send e-mail to:
<A HREF="mailto:[email protected]">[email protected]</A>,
or call the toll free number at: 1-800-461-5945.

Back to the <A HREF="http://www.schoolnet.ca/">SchoolNet Home
Page</A>...