**** The Knights Who Say “Ni!” ****
**** From, of course, Monty Python and the Holy Grail ****
**** Transcribed (from memory even!) by Malcolm Dickinson <CLARINET@YALEVMX> *
**** on 4/6/86, and corrected to 99.9% accuracy on 10/20/86. ****
**** Continued from ROBIN PYTHON ....
Voice over: Meanwhile, King Arthur and Bedevere, not more than a
swallow's flight away, had discovered something.
Knights of Ni: Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni!
Arthur: Who are you?
Knight of Ni: We are the Knights who say..... “Ni”!
Arthur: (horrified) No! Not the Knights who say “Ni”!
Knight of Ni: The same.
Other Knight of Ni: Who are we?
Knight of Ni: We are the keepers of the sacred words: Ni, Ping, and
Nee-womm!
Other Knight of Ni: Nee-womm!
Arthur: (to Bedevere) Those who hear them seldom live to tell the tale!
Knight of Ni: The knights who say “Ni” demand..... a sacrifice!
Arthur: Knights of Ni, we are but simple travelers who seek the enchanter
who lives beyond these woods.
Knights of Ni: Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni!
Bedevere: No! Noooo! Aaaugh! No!
Knight of Ni: We shall say “Ni” to you... if you do not appease us.
Arthur: Well what is it you want?
Knight of Ni: We want.....
(pregnant pause)
A SHRUBBERY!!!!
(minor music)
Arthur: A *WHAT*?
Knights of Ni: Ni! Ni!! Ni! Ni!
Arthur; No! No! Please, please, no more! We will find you a shrubbery.
Knight of Ni: You must return here with a shrubbery... or else you will
never pass through this wood... alive.
Arthur: O Knights of Ni, you are just and fair, and we will return with a
shrubbery.
Knight of Ni: One that looks nice.
Arthur: Of course!
Knight of Ni: And not *too* expensive.
Arthur; Yes!
Knight of Ni: Noowwwww.... GO!
(music)
Arthur: O Knights of Ni. We have brought you your shrubbery. May we go
now?
Knight of Ni: Yes, it is a good shrubbery. I like the laurels
particularly. But there is one small problem....
Arthur: What is that?
Knight of Ni: We are now *no longer* the Knights Who Say “Ni”!
Other Knights of Ni: Ni! Shh! Shh!
Knight of Ni: We are now the Knights who say “Ekky-ekky-ekky-ekky-z'Bang,
zoom-Boing, z'nourrrwringmm”.
Other Knight of Ni: Ni!
Knight of Ni: Therefore, we must give you a test.
Arthur: What is this test, o Knights of.....
Knights who 'til recently said “Ni”?
Knight of Ni: Firstly, you must find....
ANOTHER SHRUBBERY!!!
(minor music)
Arthur: Oh not *another* shrubbery!!
Knight of Ni: (excitedly) THEN... Then, when you have found the shrubbery,
you must place it here, beside this shrubbery, only slightly
higher, so we get the two-level effect with a little path
running down the middle.
Other Knights of Ni: A path! A path! A path! Shh, shhh. Ni! Ni!
Knight of Ni: Then, when you have found the shrubbery, you must cut down
the mightiest tree in the forest...
Wiiiiiithh.... A HERRING!
