****** The French Castle Scene from “Monty Python and the Holy Grail” ******
****** Transcribed 10/20/86 by Malcolm Dickinson '89 <CLARINET@YALEVMX> ******
****** and the almost inevitable Bret Shefter '89 <SHEBREB@YALEVMX>. ******
King Arthur and his knights of the round table, along with their servants,
“ride” up to a castle. King Arthur's servant, Patsy, blows a horn.
Arthur: HELLO!
(waits)
Bedevere: HELLO!
(waits)
An armor-clad face appears at the top of the rampart.
It speaks in an outrageous French accent.
Soldier: 'Allo! 'Oo is it?
Arthur: It is I, King Arthur, and these are my knights of the Round Table.
Whose castle is this?
S: This is the castle of my master, Guy de Lombard.
A: Go and tell your master that we have been charged by God with a sacred
quest. If he will give us food and shelter for the night, he can join
us in our quest for the Holy Grail.
S: Well, I'll ask 'im, but I don't think 'e'll be very keen-- 'e's already
got one, you see?
A: What?
Lancelot: He says they've already *got* one!
A: (confused) Are you *sure* he's got one?
S: Oh yes, it's ver' naahs.
(to the other soldiers:) I told 'em we've already *got* one!
(they snicker)
A: (taken a bit off balance) Well... ah, um... Can we come up and have
a look?
S: Of course not! You are English types.
A: Well, what are you then?
S: (Indignant) Ah'm French! Why do you think I have this out-rrrageous
accent, you silly king?!
A: What are you doing in *England*?
S: Mind your own business!
A: If you will not show us the Grail, we shall take your castle by force!
S: You don't frighten us, English pig-dogs! Go and boil your bottoms,
son of a silly person! Ah blow my nose at you, so-called “Arthur
Keeeng”! You and all your silly English Knnnnnnnn-ighuts!!!
(the soldier proceeds to bang on his helmet with his hands and stick out
his tongue at the knights, making strange noises.)
Lancelot: What a strange person.
A: (getting mad) Now look here, my good ma--
S: Ah don' wanna talk to you no more, you empty-headed animal food-trough
wiper! Ah fart in your general direction! Your mother was a hamster,
and your father smelt of elderberries!
Galahad: Is there someone else up there we can talk to?
S: No!! Now go away, or I shall taunt you a second time!
** does anybody know the rest of the scene?
** We're working on it now.
** To be continued...
