________ ________ ________
2021-03-08 / \/ \/ / \
/ __/ /_ _/
I've been having bad dreams, at least / _/ / /
that's what I've been telling D. \_______/_\___/____/\___/____/_
/ \/ \/ / \
I've been dreaming an alternate life. My / _/ /_ _/
unconscious mind bringing to life a /- / _/ /
different family, different friends, \________/\________/\___/____/
different places. A different history with
different failures and triumphs. Different past loves.
I live this dream-life with an enthusiasm and eagerness I haven't felt for
my waking life in a long time and completely unburdened by the anxiety and
depression that cripple my conscious mind.
But I always wake and the constant, low-level terror that comes with
anxiety tightens its grip and, like disturbed dust, depression settles back
down around every thought and feeling.
I wake up torn away from a happiness I can't remember feeling in my waking
life and I'm left hollow in a way I can't easily explain. How do you tell the
love of your life that there's a poison in your mind that makes you
uncomfortable and unhappy with everything you have and that seeing a glimpse
into a different life just makes it so much worse?
So I just tell her I had bad dreams and shoulder the trauma alone. Just
another nightmare.
