________ ________ ________
2018-12-13 / \/ \/ / \
/ __/ /_ _/
I've been offline for at least five weeks / _/ / /
now, probably closer to six, I dunno. I'm \_______/_\___/____/\___/____/_
doing ok, like I've mentioned before I don't / \/ \/ / \
really have an addictive personality/body- / _/ /_ _/
chemistry or haven't come across whatever /- / _/ /
drug is going to really get its hooks into \________/\________/\___/____/
me so I come and go as it suits me. The only
chemical I put in me regularly that I can't quit on a whim is caffeine haha,
when you try and cut that shit out it is completely merciless.
The day before yesterday I had an extremely shitty day at work, the
shittiest in a string of shitty days stretching into shitty weeks, and was
aching for something to help me disconnect from it a little while but I
haven't had any codeine around for a little while so thought I'd give one of
those Pregabalin I got as a freebie a shot and it was an interesting ride.
It was stronger than I was expecting and I floated away pretty quick, like
a drunk but without the physical wobbliness and the queasiness in the stomach
that comes from ingesting a bunch of poisonous liquid, it really punched
through my anxiety too. I know it's used as a first-line treatment for
generalized anxiety disorder but I didn't think just a single dose would do
shit and I was very surprised. I felt cheerful and chatty and for a while I
was able to shake all the rusty bikes I drag through life with me. It made me
super motivated to do things too, but that's where the downsides started.
Now I'm scatterbrained at the best of times but, holy shit, this was next
level - I couldn't start a single thing, I could barely even have a
conversation because I'd pinball around on all kinds of tangents, Dani legit
couldn't follow half the shit I was going on about.
I also kept needing to touch things. Like, not pick up or use or mess with,
just touching stuff. I dunno what that was about but it got pretty frustrating
haha.
The only other downside was the strength, but that was mostly on me. These
were strong caps, clocking in at 300mg so it's something I should have checked
from the start haha. Oops. It started out ok but felt like it kept ramping up
beyond comfortable and then even the next morning I could still feel it
wrapped around my brain.
Before it started feeling too strong, it was a nice euphoria of mind but
really didn't have the body-softness that comes with codeine, it just wasn't
the same. With codeine I sink through the floor, my arms and fingers feel
wired closer to my brain so I can get shit done, with this I was pinging off
the walls and unable to do shit but talk about three thousand things for a
nanosecond at a time. It would probably be a really fun social drug in a
smaller dose but again, codeine is already my guy, why sleep with a flashy
stranger when you're already with your true love?
To conclude, winners don't use drugs.
Sidenote: By far one of my favorite things about it was the big, cartoonish
red-and-white capsules. Good for health, bad for education.
