________ ________ ________
2017-10-04 / \/ \/ / \
/ __/ /_ _/
Hello there, here's a rambling life / _/ / /
happenings update. \_______/_\___/____/\___/____/_
/ \/ \/ / \
Microdosing carries on, this is my first / _/ /_ _/
day on the quarter dose of a 60ug tab and /- / _/ /
shit's all cool so far but I'm kinda on \________/\________/\___/____/
high-alert for any weirdness. A little
worried because the dose is a physically larger piece of the tab so if it was
laid lop-sided there's a bigger chance of my world getting wobbly.
Friday I finally got to link up with some friends after about ten thousand
aborted attempts, we're all busy unfortunately so organising stuff is hard. We
got a bit derailed because of the public holiday, we wanted to check out a
pinball bar here and that was closed so we went to Pixel Alley instead which
should have been open, according to their Facebook page but weren't so we were
kinda lost. I was a bit frustrated but we decided to check out a bar/pizza
joint called Lazerpig and I'm glad we did, it's cozy and has a nice
atmosphere, the pizza was really good and they had Mash's Copycat AIPA on tap.
I came clean about the dosing, I'd mentioned it to them once before asking
what they thought of it but hadn't told them I was already planning on trying
it. The reaction was about what I expected; some interest, only a little
drugs-r-bad and throwing out a few gotchas to trip me up. I took it all in
stride hahaha.
After that we bounced to a new place called BAR SK which styles itself as a
"small bar and gallery space for new and playful media" - it was a cute bar!
It reminded me of Forgotten Worlds a little bit but much less genuine and no
arcade machines, instead they had like loosely videogamey interactive art
installations. SK felt like a place that was put together, especially the very
manufactured-looking video game bathroom graffiti, whereas Forgotten Worlds
felt like a place that evolved organically. It was a really nice space though,
and the staff were really welcoming, I'll definitely be back another day. I
was surprised how comfortable I felt chatting with the guys there, I don't
feel like I'm free from the usual anxiety and stuff but I feel like I can push
through it? It's hard to put into words, I'll have to think about it.
We spent some time playing a hilariously silly AFL game on NES (It was
Grand Final weekend here) and I had a KAIJU! Double IPA which is one of my
favorite beers of all time but probably a bad idea after the beer I already
had because it's reasonably strong. I was pretty wobbly after that but having
a good time.
After that we caught a tram back into the city because there was a new
eSports bar I wanted to check out called GG-EZ, it was really neat!
Underground but big and open, with screens on all the walls showing various
game streams. The staff were friendly and the whole atmosphere was really
nice. It'll be a fun place to go to come BlizzcCon and the StarCraft II WCS
Global Finals, I hope it's around for a while.
There I bumped into someone I knew from the Twitter days, she's a
moderately popular Twitch streamer now. I bumped into her once before at
Forgotten Worlds and she gets an obtuse mention in the phlog I posted about
Forgotten Worlds back in July. Here's where, internally, I did a real double
take at my behaviour. I was able to go over, say hi and casually talk to her,
even though she was with her friends I didn't know and without anyone propping
me up, it felt simultaneously so alien and so natural haha.
And I know what you're thinking; "Well, Cat, you were fuckin' drunk, lad" -
but that's never been the case, I can be staggering and slurring and I still
be shy and socially anxious, this was different and felt like a real tangible
improvement in my mental health. It felt good. I wonder if she noticed?
Actually, I wonder if my friends noticed? In hindsight I wish I hadn't told
them about the microdosing and just asked if they noticed a difference in my
mood and behaviour.
We talked for a bit about long distance relationships and life after
Twitter and her studying JavaScript and my trying to study Python, it was
really great. I bitch about Twitter being a dumpster fire and it absolutely is
but it wasn't always and I genuinely miss some of the friends I made there.
After that we hit up my local barcade, Bartronica which, I dunno, I like it
there but it always seems hit and miss. I either have a really good time or I
have a crummy time. This time it wasn't so bad, we got some beers and played a
couple games but mostly just hung out and talked. We left a little while later
to get a burger and sat around chatting until we got kicked out hahaha.
The guys were thinking about leaving but I wanted to play a little more
because I hadn't really done much and it's so hard for us to organise anything
I wanted to make the most of it but when we rolled back to Bartronica they'd
bumped the music up to 11 and the whole environment was pretty shitty,
couldn't talk, could barely think, so we bounced immediately and that was it,
the fun sucked out of it. We walked back to my building and called it a night.
It was a good night overall, though, at least for me. Things are going so
well for my mental health right now and it felt really good to be able to
lower shields a little for the first time in what feels like forever.
