________ ________ ________
2017-09-24 / \/ \/ / \
/ __/ /_ _/
The phlog post that follows covers the / _/ / /
first week of my excursion into psychedelic \_______/_\___/____/\___/____/_
microdosing in September 2017. Disclaimer: / \/ \/ / \
Again, I am not a doctor or a scientist or a / _/ /_ _/
chemist so do not consider this log evidence /- / _/ /
or endorsement of anything. This post is \________/\________/\___/____/
just a record of my thoughts and experiences
during the process and nothing else.
2017-09-11 (Day 0)
I had daydreams about writing this first post: "All my problems are solved,
this is completely life changing, thirteen seconds after my first dose I was
completely cured of all mental health issues, I'm operating at 1,209% normal
capacity and I've been promoted and now make seven figures."
But wouldn't you know it the stuff still hasn't arrived! That's ok though,
still on track, just need to wait a couple days and start the new routine from
Wednesday.
Somehow I managed to live through the weekend sober with only a few mental
hiccups so I consider that a win. Everything else is pretty stable, nothing
much to report.
2017-09-12 (Day 1)
Okeedokee, everything is in hand and I start tomorrow. Warned my boss that
they're "adjusting my medication" just in case anything goes weird hahaha. I
did the chemical test but instead of turning red or purple it kinda went
pinkish? I think I just used too small a piece, the instructions said to use
half a tab but I used half one of my doses, so like 1/10th a tab.
I think I hecked up with getting 100ug tabs and trying to cut them up into
five doses, these things are small. If the experiment works, going forward
I've found another reliable dealer who sells 60ug tabs so I'd only have to cut
them into three doses which in hindsight also makes a lot more sense in terms
of ensuring the doses are even.
I had a pretty good mental health day yesterday, even without the
microdosing, just being opiate free is improving my life already I think. Who
would have thought? Hahaha. That said, I did buy a pack of pills yesterday. I
guess I just wanted to know I'm ready to roll back if I break down, I suppose?
Today is already shaping up to be not as rad, my headache is back and I'm
grumpy.
2017-09-13 (Day 2)
Took the first dose about half an hour ago, R U READY? I feel a little
spacy but not really much different hahaha. Let's see how my day goes.
Headache is still there somewhere in the back.
Yesterday I caved and took a codeine pill, headache was extra bad and
nothing I tried was working so I just gave in. Apart from that I didn't have
too bad a day.
Alrighty it's been like an hour and a half now and I feel pretty ok I
guess, it's hard to describe. I'm alert but without the crystalline clarity
from caffeine, there's like a fuzz at the sides and I feel scattered, jumping
around between a half dozen tasks instead of focussing on one. Who knows, this
could all just be my mood. I might have rolled in to work with a blank blotter
under my tongue and be working myself up looking for results where there are
none. Jumping at psychedelic shadows.
I'm going to park this here and just internalise this shit a while, I'll
recap at the end of the day.
Ok so ended up pretty good, I'm not sure what the morning was about, I
guess we'll find out if Friday morning is the same. Once the fog cleared I had
a really good day, I was engaged and working hard, generally in high spirits.
I think most of my initial frustration is that I was expecting something
dramatic but it's much more subtle, it's like your day is just a little better
than usual. Meetings go well, you feel patient and cheerful and that in turn
makes people patient and cheerful with you.
Here's the prickly part though, was it even anything? How do I know if the
dose was even essential in that? Was I smiling from a chemical reaction or
just because I had a naughty secret? Trying not to twist myself into a knot
about it. "When you do things right, people won't be sure you've done anything
at all." Huh.
Also, becoming pretty obvious that LSD ain't an analgesic so a through all
this new clarity I still have that throbbing, stupid caffeine withdrawal
headache. I feel like I need to crack my neck but it just won't come.
2017-09-14 (Day 3)
Running out of things to write here. Headache yesterday turned into what
was probably a mild migraine and nothing I threw at it squashed it, and right
after my saying that I hadn't had a migraine in ages. Figures.
The day was a mixed bag, the highs were really good but the lows were
really shitty. It's frustrating, it really was a tangible boost but to be
honest, right now I'm really regretting fucking with the balance but I'll see
this through.
Today I woke up with the same caffeine withdrawal headache and backslid and
had a big energy drink, I just need one fucking pain-free day so I can get
some work done, you know? Maybe I'll see how I feel tomorrow after having
caffeine today, I could alternate days maybe?
Update: Not sayin' I'm an addict but after the energy drink this morning I
feel like I could take on the world.
2017-09-15 (Day 4)
Today; no headache at all, I've been taking magnesium to help with them at
a doctor-friend's advice so hopefully they don't come back. It's also a dose
day and, let me tell you. TODAY I can feel it. Holy shit. I'm in a nice bright
corner of the office, on the top floor. Only one meeting and lots to do, today
should be a good day.
It kinda comes on like a drunk but in reverse, I get spacy and fuzzy but
then the fog clears and it just leaves me cheerful and confident.
One more week and I'll publish what I've got and make a decision on whether
to continue. Right now I'm behind it, if I can find a balance of the LSD and
smaller amounts of caffeine I think it'll be a brand new age of Cat getting
shit done.
Update: I probably should have time stamped these or something but too late
now. Fog ain't lifting and I'm not getting as much work done as I need to but
I feel really good. Life is alright. Thanks for checking in, friends. Had a
team meeting and it was interesting, I can still feel anxiety pushing in at
the corners but it's early days.
