Motivation is always a problem for me working for myself. I'm
definately much better at snapping to a direct order from another
person to do some task I'm reluctant to attempt than to make myself
do it alone. With physical tasks at least once I get going it's
just a case of keeping going. However with the computer and
electronics design stuff it's all too easy to just shut down and
either do nothing, distract myself, or worst stop thinking about
what I'm doing and mess up what I've already done (although that
said, with programming trying to comprehend everything that needs
to go on at once is often a road block that I can only overcome by
getting desperate and just typing _something_). Debugging also
messes me up. Some people don't mind it, but to me getting out of
the mindset of how things should work, and into that of how things
aren't actually working, can easily border on the impossible.
Especially with this latter problem, the essential tool that I find
I need is actually a side project of some sort. Something else that
I can productively go away to work on, to cool my frustrations as
well as so I can forget just enough about the other project that
I'm forced to re-evaluate some aspects when I go back to it. At the
same time though if the other project is too easy, or frankly
enjoyable, I tend to put all my time into it and never get back to
the main task at all. So I actually need a side project that is
equally rife with hold-ups and unenjoyable difficulties as the main
one, so that I can keep escaping from one to go work on the other.
The difficulty in whichever project I'm actively working on usually
seems harder than that of the other one, so I go back to the other
project with relief and motivation even when there's no rational
justification for it.
Additionally if one project involved sitting at a computer all day,
then I really do fall apart after a couple of days of that in a row
(no, I don't know how the office workers of the world stand it). At
a certain point even after a good night's sleep I can get up, start
checking emails, and barely be able to look at the computer screen
after a few minutes. So at that point I need to find some other
task that's physical, not even anything exceptionally demanding,
just building a prototype circuit board is enough, but something
beyond the computer.
The trouble is that finding a worthwhile pair of projects that meet
these needs is really rather hard. One potentially profitable
project, and another hobby one that I'd just like to work on,
that's easy. But then I'm wasting work time on stuff that won't
make money. When I do get the pair right it's great, I jump between
them and feel more satisfied by the end of the day because even if
one hasn't gone as well as I want I've usually made better progress
on the other. But extending from that, one project inevitably gets
finished before the other, and then I need to pick a new secondary
(or primary) project, which usually involves a lot of work (mostly
at the computer) itself.
So then I get stuck again, and often pick the wrong combination of
projects which means that one or both never get done because give
up on the both of them in the end and go onto something else
entirely. Then I start again, looking through other old projects,
some unfinished, some never begun, try to pick out another pair,
and start all over again.
I guess if I wasn't so often trying to do something completely
outside of my past experience, and conventionally demanding some
university course or similar accreditation, that would probably
help. There are some things that I probably should just give up on
for good, but my reluctance to admit defeat is another issue again.
