2019-05-29 - Unfocused Anger in an Age of Diversion
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I mentioned in my last post that my daughter recently received a
diagnosis of anorexia. She isn't anorexic, she has anorexia.
That distinction is important, because this is something that isn't
her, this is a disorder, something which will require a long and
difficult recovery. I know this because, 30-odd years ago, I had
an eating disorder, bulimia in my case, and I see the effects of
that disorder every time I look in a mirror or clean my teeth.
(Malnutrition does terrible damage to your bones, stomach acid just
adds to that destruction.)
She's been in hospital for a week now, being monitored to ensure
that she doesn't suffer from refeeding syndrome, and while I'm
happy that she's getting all the help she needs (from Ireland's
SOCIALIST MEDICAL SYSTEM) I've still been going through all the
stages of grief.
Grief because the child I know, that happy, vivacious, energetic,
sarcastic kid on the cusp of early adulthood, is gone. I was never
the same person after my own brush with this terrible disease, it
amplified my bipolar disease, it may have gone away, but I live
with its legacy. I know it will be the same for her, my daughter
will be a different person when she comes out the other side, she
may have been different anyway, because the recovery is long, but
now that person she will become will be marked, in some ways I
can't even imagine, by this.
Because she's still only at refeeding stage, there hasn't been
much in the way of psych intervention, essentially there isn't
much point in starting CBT or Gestalt Therapy while her body needs
medical attention. I have been spending time talking with her, and
talking through her feelings. Like the guy in the West Wing, I've
been down this hole before, and I know the way out.
So much of what she has to say has me so very angry.
There's the small things, the usual shitty things that kids do to
kids to make themselves feel adequate. Nothing major, nothing that
wouldn't sound familiar to many people - smart kid in school, yadda
yadda. It annoys me that we as a species haven't made any advances
in that area in the last 30 years, we're still poisonous.
Then there's the bigger things, the things that really get me
going.
Like the Classroom Based Assesments.
Essentially, the Irish State decided ten years or so ago that kids
academic performance would be better assessed by having assesments
done in school time, rather than at the end of two 3-year cycles.
This was sold as being "fairer", because we all know of people who
had "a bad day" on the day of the exam.
This, like much stuff emanating from Consultants, can best be
described as "bollocks". Sure, it allows those small group of kids
a better chance, but at what cost? Instead of an exam at the end of
a cycle, one you know is coming and have been preparing for during
the cycle, they have little exams, one every month since they went
back last September. When you're a kid, like my daughter, who is
obsessed with her own perfectionism, that means that you have all
the stresses of the big state exams, every month, for nine months.
Then there's what they're being taught in these schools. I have
spent my short time as a parent trying, in every way and at every
opportunity, to provide my kids with the same love I have of
discovery, I've encouraged this in maths, in science, in language,
in history. My kids probably know more about Greek Gods and the
Crisis of the Third Century than I've forgotten, about Proudhon,
Rosa Luxemburg, Fibonacci Sequences, Periodic Table and its
discovery, Fiche Blian ag Fás, Myles na gCopaleen. These are the
things we talk about.
That's not what they're learning.
What they're learning is corporate bullshit, in every imaginable
way. They aren't being taught to love and live learning, they're
being taught to be proper little consumers and proper little
entrepeneurs and workers. Maths should be renamed "Statistics",
because that's pretty much all they learn. Business Studies is
Drone Preparation. Home Economics isn't cooking and science, its
consumption and budgeting.
Then there's the health aspect of all this. Health, as explained
by teachers, is all about *productivity*. It isn't about caring
for yourself or your body, its about being a good employee.
Because "fat" people cause greater productivity loss, thinness is
preferred. Sugar is BAD, all sugar. Teachers who fulfill every
milestone of orthorexia endlessly badger the kids about the
consumption of milk. Teachers who've been converted to the Cult of
Veganism endlessly lecture them on the evils of Meat.
At every level of society, not just our schools, this is the same
message hammered out, day after day. Ireland's Environmental Agency
is demanding that we all recyle one more item of plastic every
day. We already recyle EVERY piece of plastic that comes into our
home, and our younger kids are coming home with "study" tasks that
involve them demonstrating what additional steps we're taking. If
they don't provide a good answer, then they'll "lose" credits.
...
I know this isn't productive, I know that there are far more
important things for me to do than write this several hundred word
unfocused rant. I just needed to do this, for me.
My daughter has anorexia. She has anorexia because the society we
live in has been corrupted absolutely by the demands of capitalism.
And I am *tired* and I am *angry*.
