I wrote a blog post 3 weeks ago but never published it. I spent a
couple hours writing, proof-reading, and rewriting, and settled to
re-read once more in the morning and publish if I still liked it
after a good nights sleep.
I got caught up with other things, and a day or two later re-read
it and still didn't end up publishing it. I didn't think it was
quite right. I liked it well enough, but I was worried other
people would judge it.
But here's the irony -- as far as I know, I have no readers.
Publishing it is almost equivalent to shouting into the void.
So why did I care so much?
As I found myself thinking about how I'd revise the original post
tonight, I realized that maybe this fear of judgment from non-
existent (but potential future) internet strangers was a much more
interesting topic to explore than my original musings. So here I
am hashing it out.
I think the fear of judgment comes from a mixture of seeing public
figures have their pasts (preserved in the digital era) come back
to haunt them combined with observing how readers can react
strongly and negatively to posts. I don't plan to ever become so
famous as to have a blog haunt me, nor do I ever expect enough
readers to have overwhelmingly unpleasant reactions, but the fear
still got to me.
But I want to persevere, and that's ultimately what writing this is
about. I'm not writing for fame or attention. I'm not writing to
further my career or put it on my resume. I'm writing for me. For
the clarity I get from expressing my thoughts, and for the joy I
get looking back at where I was months or years ago.
Why host them publicly? Well, I really enjoy a good tech blog, and
admire a blogger or two out there. I want to be the change I want
to see in the internet and migrate from centralized social networks
back to a decentralized network of personal and self-hosted sites.
And who knows, maybe one day someone will read this and have felt
the same. I guess I'm writing for that person too.
