# Ratpoison, layoffs, inversion
### Entered on RPoJ in vim in tmux in st in ratpoison via vnc
### 20191012
I have been using ratpoison in portrait orientation
on RPoJ for the past few weeks. It is awesome to
use via vnc on an iPad with a BT keyboard. A simple
bar at the top using conky and dzen2, along with
compton running at .8 = comfy. I have tmux mapped
to use C+a (as I have for years, same with gnu
screen) and ratpoison mapped to use C+z (because
I am so good I do not need undo... heh. naw, the
software I use most doesn't use that mapping for
undo, and I really never background processes). No
overlap on key chords, and suits my muscle memory.
## Layoffs
I have been at my job since February of 2005. I
have made it through a handful of layoffs in that
time. This time is different, however. I expect to
be unemployed on Tuesday of next week. This has
caused some stress and worry to me for the past
many weeks as I watched the momentum build for
this. I have already lost people I have worked with
for nearly 15 years. People that had given 30 or 40
years to this company. Entire camps shut down.
Local economies left scrambling. Job markets are
being saturated.
This is the reason that a couple of weeks ago when
my wife's car took a shit, I purchased a 1988
Honda with cash. I cannot in good faith take on a
new payment at the moment.
I have brushed up my resume. I have a few
applications floating around. I do not feel
hopeless, I do feel very out-of-sorts, though. I
have not looked for a job since January of 2005.
That is a long time. I have had this job longer
than I've had my wife. Longer than my eighth grade
daughter has lived. None of the cells in my body
were existing when I got this job -- all of them
have replaced the ones that were there at the time.
## Inversion
Not as in _to turn inside out_, as in to look
within.
I have always lived in my own head to a large
extent. That is where I find myself currently.
Things feel unreal, yet not daunting. I feel
very divorced from what I have been doing for so
long, and as if standing on a precipice, able
to see other details and options. Yet, not without
an element of danger.
