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-65-
A PRIMER FOR ERISIAN EVANGELISTS
by Lord Omar
THE SOCRATIC APPROACH is most successful when confronting the
ignorant. The "socratic approach" is what you call starting an
argument by asking questions. You approach the innocent and simply
ask, "Did you know that God's name is ERIS, and that He is a girl?"
If he answers "Yes," then he is probably a fellow Erisian and so you
can forget it. If he says "No," then quickly proceed to:
THE BLIND ASSERTION and say, "Well, He _is_ a girl, and His name
is ERIS!" Shrewdly observe if the subject is convinced. If he is,
swear him into the Legion of Dynamic Discord before he changes his
mind. If he does not appear convinced, then proceed to:
THE FAITH BIT: "But you must have faith! All is lost without
faith! I sure feel sorry for you if you don't have faith." And then
add:
THE ARGUMENT BY FEAR and in an ominous voice ask, "Do you know
what happens to those who deny Goddess?" If he hesitates, don't tell
him that he will surely be reincarnated as a precious Mao Button and
distributed to the poor in the Region of Thud (which would be a mean
thing to say), just shake your head sadly, and, while wiping a tear
from your eye, go to:
THE FIRST CLAUSE PLOY wherein you point to all of the discord and
confusion in the world and exclaim, "Well, who the hell do you think
did all of this, wise guy?" If he says, "Nobody, just impersonal
forces," then quickly respond with:
THE ARGUMENT BY SEMANTICAL GYMNASTICS and say that he is
absolutely right, and that those impersonal forces are female and that
Her name is ERIS. If he, wonder of wonders, still remain obstinate,
then finally resort to:
THE FIGURATIVE SYMBOLISM DODGE and confide that sophisticated
people like himself recognize that Eris is a Figurative Symbol for an
Ineffable Metaphysical Reality and that The Erisian Movement is really
more like a poem than like a science and that he is liable to be
turned into a precious Mao Button and distributed to the poor in The
Region of Thud if he does not get hip. Then put him on your mailing
list.
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