I am everybody I've ever seen or heard of thought of, either in
fiction or non-fiction for my entire life. They are a part of me
through empathy. When I watch a movie and a character I identify
with while I am watching it is happy, I am happy. I am them.
They are me. I have died thousands of times. Each of those
deaths are my deaths. This isn't metaphorical: I believe this is
actual. These things become me. When I question myself, I am not
questioning myself yet I also am: That voice of doubt that I can
trace back to my 3rd grade art teacher who thought my owl wasn't
good enough? Well, she's dead. She's NOT the one doubting my
abilities. It is now I, doubting my abilities. She has become
me. The cliche I have of her is now a part of me. It is me. Yet
am I more than this? Yes. Am I _only_ a compilation of everybody
I've ever experienced? No. Why? Because: the choosing is coming
from within me. It isn't coming from the outside. I have
awareness of my choosing. I can change my choosing. I can modify
my emotions. I can modify my thinking. That's me. And all of the
people, real and fictional that I have incorporated into myself
as a series of scripts and plays and words and questions and
answers? It's not them because they were each MORE THAN I'LL
EVER KNOW. Its me. The cliche of them, is me, even though I am
also more than that. We exist inbetween the extremes others give
for us, either avoiding them or matching them in some way.
