Spelunker Today! The magazine for explorers and adventurers.
Volume XLVII, Issue 11
Price: 680 Zm
Contents:
* Fungus Warning
* Rat-ants
* AM Solved!
* Death Count
* D-C Recall
* Wisdom
* Areas
* Swing
* View
* XZ3102
* Line Stopped
* Jumbino Reopening
* Survey Results
ROCKPOOL'S ROTTEN
Authorities have warned that the Three-Falls Rockpool area is unsafe due to
fungus. Five people have died, already, this year. Given the link between the
south end, and the Batcave, we must determine if the Batcave will shortly
also suffer from this problem.
PEST TO BE ERADICATED
Rat-ant population levels have plummeted in the last 3 years, claims
Gelatin Fez, spokesmodel for the Bozbo branch of PAWL (People for All Wild
Life). She claims that the recent fashion of antirat-eyebrow cloaks among the
richer members of society is largely to blame. While the misguided may see
this as a tragedy, spelunkers everywhere are heartened by the removal of
these nasty critters from tunnels and caves, and have encouraged the
continuation of this trend. We also wonder if a market could be found for
trolls, rock-moles, g***s, rock-worms, and dragons.
MACHINE NO LONGER ARCANE
The workings of the Arcane Machine in the Southeastern sector of the Great
Underground Highway have been deciphered by local lass Dymphnia Barbaz. In
addition to being fully outfitted by Frobozzco Spelunker Stop, the Arcane
Machine allowed access to a previously unexplored area, netting her several
valuable treasures. This challenge has stood for eight months, so
congratulations to her, and expect a full report in next month's issue.
Our next challenge: who can defeat the Multicoloured Sand Rooms (Along the
Grand Crosscut, approximately halfway between the Central Guard Post and the
Two-Level Chessboard)? The winner of this gets fully outfitted, thanks to
Frobozzco Spelunker Stop.
MEMENTO MORI
Deaths this month:
Bottomless Pits: 7
Cave Bear: 4
Cave In: 5
Deathtraps: 37
Exposure: 11
Falling: 9
Fungus: 10
G***s: 18
Lava: 3
Miscellaneous Creature: 27
Rabies: 3
Starvation: 46
Stone Giant: 4
Stab Wound (Stiletto): 4
Troll: 3
Unknown(Presumed Dead): 4
The number of deaths from starvation, exposure and g***s are far too high.
There's no excuse for not packing enough food. There's no excuse for swimming
underground without enough heat and warm clothing. Running out of light
suggests not just carelessness, but reckless incompetence.
While even starvation or exposure can result from a little bad luck, g***
deaths are the only death that can be totally avoided, by simply carrying
more than enough light. Really, in this day and age, if you're left in the
dark you deserve to become a statistic. Fungus deaths are a worry, on the
rise for the fourth successive month. Will we have to seal off certain areas
completely, or is there a way to defeat this problem?
PERTINENT THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
It's t*** that you'll *** meeting a g***
Your death will be g***some, g***lling and grim.
So when off to fight, take plenty of light
And make sure its pickings are slim.
PARA-D HARNESSES (Advertisement)
Dave D. says "Para-D is the safest way."
Available at leading stockists.
D-CS RECALLED
Clamber Climbers have issued a recall of d-carabiners serial #348271 to
#380000. Apparently a manufacturing fault, now rectified, resulted in some
of them jamming under normal use.
OUT WITH OLD, IN WITH THE NEW
In the recent earthquake which rocked the northern region, several areas
were completely sealed off. Say goodbye to The Honeycomb, Box Rooms,
Crossroad Trench, and Serpentine Lake for the moment. On the bright side,
two new areas have been revealed due to this. Explorers have tentatively
named them Obsidian Cathedral, and The Brickworks. In addition, 3 spelunkers
unfortunately died.
SWING SPRUNG
A team of nine Amizonians has reportedly managed to get through The Swing.
"You can't do it with less", stated Team Leader Bellio Pontoon, though given
that they have yet to fully explore the area beyond, they are understandably
reticent about the exact method. Hopefully they'll be more talkative in the
coming months.
RATHER INACCURATE NAME
Several new cave systems have been discovered that link to Rather Large
Cave in recent months. Is there a need for renaming?
READER RESPONSE ROUSES ROZZO
Responding to several of our readers' complaints about the temperature of
the Frobozz Magic Battery Operated Lantern Company model XZ3102, Managing
Director Porco Rozzo stated "We do realise that this particular item does
burn hot, but power is guaranteed to last as long as our older models, and
we felt that since this model is primarily used for spelunking, our customers
would welcome something that gave off warmth down in the caves, reducing the
need to carry fuel for a fire". If any of our readers remain dissatisfied by
this, Mr Rozzo has agreed to exchange, without charge, your lantern for an
older in-stock version - just return it to the place of purchase.
ANTIG*** CANNED
The Frobozz Magic Chemical Company has announced the discontinuation
of their line of G*** Repellers. "There just wasn't the consumer demand",
claimed a spokesman. Back when they were first released, we noted that
spelunkers would not stand the critical timing required to use them. No
changes have been made to their line of G*** Repellents.
JUMBINO 3 REOPENED
Little Elephant Cave System's tertiary entrance has finally been cleared,
after last year's rock-slide. Authorities have stated that it is now safe to
use.
YOUR SAY
Survey results are in. Backpack of choice by a 2 to 1 margin was the Forte.
It's obvious that Guernsey Hulk's Adventurer Apparel is doing something
right.
Forte (GHAA): 39%
Grand Comfort (FMBC): 20%
Dr Back #3 (DB): 16%
Climb-Eez (FMBC): 12%
Tuff S7100 (GHAA): 7%
Other: 6%
This month's question: What's your favourite rope?
Responses to: ST Survey, PO Box 17904, Pheenix, P407902
Spelunker Today! is a publication of Adventure Press, PO Box 17904, Pheenix,
P407902
