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Cheers and Jeers: Wednesday [1]
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Date: 2023-03-29
"My favorite line belongs to an old Irish woman taxi driver in Boston. Flo Kennedy and I were in the backseat talking about Flo’s book, Abortion Rap, and the driver turned around and said, 'Honey, if men could get pregnant, abortion would be a sacrament.' I wish I’d gotten her name so we could attribute it to her.”
—Gloria Steinem "Nationalism is an infantile disease. It is the measles of mankind."
—Albert Einstein "Nixon is the kind of guy who, if you were drowning twenty feet from shore, would throw you a fifteen-foot rope."
—Eugene McCarthy [Also applies to every Republican in 2023] The birthday Speaker says it all without saying a word. "When I was 40 and looking at 60, it seemed like a thousand miles away. But 62 feels like a week and a half away from 80. I must now get on with those things I always talked about doing but put off."
—Harry Belafonte, now 96 "When I’m sometimes asked when will there be enough [women on the Supreme Court], and I say, ‘When there are nine,’ people are shocked. But there’d been nine men, and nobody’s ever raised a question about that."
—Ruth Bader Ginsburg “We’re at the tipping point, we haven’t got time to wait 30 years and argue about a few billion dollars. Burying your head in the sand another instant about global warming and the destruction of the planet is suicide for all of us.”
—William Shatner, 91, following his 2021 Blue Origin space flight "If Attila the Hun were alive today, he'd be a drama critic."
—Edward Albee “Who hasn’t had a weight issue? If not the body, certainly the big head.”
—Aretha Franklin
If you celebrated or have yet to celebrate a birthday in March, we wish you many blessings on your camels. And now, our feature presentation…
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Cheers and Jeers for Wednesday, March 29, 2023
Note: From the Tallahassee news desk—Governor Ron DeSantis found picking his nose with three fingers. And this just in: they weren’t his fingers. No details or footage on Eyewitness News at noon. You’re welcome.
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By the Numbers:
3 days!!!
Days 'til voting ends in the state Supreme Court election in Wisconsin: 6
Days 'til the Maryland Chicken Wing Festival in Crownsville: 3
Current weekly requests for U.S. passports: 500,000
Average time it takes to get one: 10-13 weeks
Amount Elon Musk paid for Twitter five months ago: $44 billion
Current valuation of Twitter under his leadership: 20 billion
Number of planets that'll be lined up and visible in tonight's sky: 5 (Jupiter, Mars, Mercury, Uranus, Venus)
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Mid-week Rapture Index: 185 (including and 4 supernatural phenomena and 1 savior marked down to sell). Soul Protection Factor 24 lotion is recommended if you’ll be walking amongst the heathen today.
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Why is this not an Olympic sport???
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JEERS to negotiating with terrorists. I'd forgotten that there was a new Speaker of the House until CNN helpfully reminded me yesterday that Kevin McCarthy of the Branch Magavidian cult is the current seat warmer until Democrat Hakeem Jeffries takes over in 2025. Seems 'ol Kev sent President Biden a sternly-worded letter this week, and now he has the sadz because the grownup in the federal government apparently has no intention of horse-trading over our national debt obligations:
McCarthy writes “with each passing day, I am incredibly concerned that you are putting an already fragile economy in jeopardy by insisting upon your extreme position of refusing to negotiate any meaningful changes to out of control government spending.” McCarthy also proposed a series of places to start saving money including reclaiming unspent Covid-19 relief funds and strengthening work requirements for social programs. The White House said they do not want to continue negotiations until Republicans are ready to offer a counter proposal to the White House’s budget request, which the Biden administration unveiled earlier this month. … Republicans have yet to release their plan, as they continue struggle to find an agreement between the different factions in their narrowly divided majority.
I have three words for the illustrious Speaker who believes people should have to do work before they can get federal money: You go first.
JEERS to America: land of the guns, home of the gun nuts.
What happens in the wake of the mass shooting in Newtown Aurora Binghamton Tucson Santa Barbara Charleston Lafayette Roseburg Kalamazoo Orlando Alexandria Las Vegas Parkland Benton Pittsburgh Thousand Oaks Aurora Poway Highlands Ranch Virginia Beach Gilroy El Paso Dayton Midland/Odessa Fresno Milwaukee Atlanta Boulder Colorado Springs Chicago Buffalo Uvalde Tulsa Highland Park Colorado Springs again Monterey Park etcetera etcetera Nashville (7 dead, including three kids, AR-15 once again the weapon of choice) is depressingly predictable: The community will grieve. Gun control advocates will wisely suggest that this might be a good time to review our federal and state firearms policies so that our nation's shameful record of gun violence might be improved upon. The right-wing gun nuts and media machine will claim it’s “just a lone wolf,” then blame Democrats (and their movies and video games and abortion and same-sex marriages and, of course, critical race theory) for the carnage and urge every living soul and their pets to arm themselves to the teeth, and the NRA will insist it's "too soon" to talk about gun control as they continue scaring politicians into looking the other way by informing them that, "We'll be scoring you on your response." Like I said, predictable. Depressingly. Again.
CHEERS to precious moments. Yesterday afternoon we began our ceremonial putting away of the snow shovels in the shed, our ceremonial storing of the barrels of ice-melting pellets in the basement, and our ceremonial removing of the leopard-print thongs from the plastic storage bin in the closet. Also yesterday, the neighbors began their ceremonial Lowering of the Blinds in their windows. God bless America.
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BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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x Worden Park in Leyland, Lancashire, UK is a miniature railway park with several fully functional miniature trains. This is a 200 kg model version of the GWR King Class. This clip gives an idea of its power
[read more:
https://t.co/nKo0BK0Kjl]pic.twitter.com/FgV6keDgB6 — Massimo (@Rainmaker1973) March 26, 2023
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END BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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CHEERS to "His Accidency." Happy 233rd birthday to "#10" John Tyler, who became president when William Henry Harrison kicked the bucket after ingesting Diet Coke and Pop Rocks during the "Truth or Dare" portion of his inauguration. It was the first time the nation found itself with a president who wasn't elected to the office. Tyler insisted that he possessed all the powers of his predecessor, and wisely refused to let Congress refer to him as "acting president." Historians recognize him for very little except a couple of treaties. But we'll give him points for saying something that'll make the Republican base get their MAGA underpants in a twist (from the book Rating the Presidents):
Tyler demonstrated a complete tolerance of other religions. His family opposed the bigotry of the nativist Know Nothing political movement, which espoused hatred and suspicion of immigrants, particularly the wave of Irish Catholics entering the country at the time.
But he was also made of Old South stuff, and later unwisely became the only U.S. President to join the Congress of the Confederacy. Oh, and he had 15 kids (I believe one of his grandkids is, astonishingly, still kicking around somewhere), a presidential record not likely to be surpassed anytime soon. Pay your respects here. Or, if nothing else, give him an fist-bump for stamina.
CHEERS to a moment of your patience, please. I normally don’t get technical in C&J, but there's a critical fiduciary development suggestive of market volatility that requires all of our attention. It involves a confluence of data from financial sectors related to the Case-Shiller House Price Index (HPI) and the Federal Housing Finance Agency (FHFA) adjusted for the SA, the pre-market data for Bloomberg futures via S&P adjustments for Q1, the WTI situation relative to international market fluctuations, T-Bill coordination among Fed banks and the Treasury, and debt service rations as reported to SAAR-affiliated oh fuck it I forgot where I was going with this so I'm going to punt and hope you don’t notice…
This year, a one-eyed cat named Crash became the first-ever cat to win the Cadbury Bunny contest, making him Cadbury's official "spokes bunny” for the year. Crash will receive a cash prize of $5,000 for himself, $5,000 to the shelter of his choice, and of course, plenty of bragging rights. … Crash was rescued after a devastating car accident where he was severely injured and left with one eye."
Thank you for your attention in this matter.
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Ten years ago in C&J: March 29, 2013
CHEERS and JEERS to playing Rope-a-DOMA. A day after finally tackling arguments in the Prop. 8 case, the Supreme Court finally tackled arguments in the "Defense of Marriage Act" case. Once again, Justices Alito, Roberts and Scalia acted as if they were just hearing about the existence of gay people for the first time (Roberts helped write pro-gay briefs in his past, so he was just playing dumbity dumb, and poorly). Thomas was his usual deadweight. Kennedy came across almost dirty-fucking-hippie'ish. And if Tuesday's memorable moments were dominated by Elena Kagan and Sonia Sotomayor, yesterday it was plucky 80 year-old old Ruth Bader Ginsburg who provided the money quote:
Ginsburg: "It's as Justice Kennedy said, 1,100 statutes, and it affects every area of life. And so he was really diminishing what the state has said is marriage. You're saying, no, [the] state said two kinds of marriage: the full marriage, and then this sort of skim-milk marriage." (Laughter.)
I'm filling out Nana adoption papers on her. As for what happens now: smoke 'em if ya got 'em. Gonna be a long three months.
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And just one more…
CHEERS to good spellin'. Over the weekend seventh-grader Evan Trieu from the tiny fishing hamlet of Portland, Maine won the Maine State Spelling Bee in the 19th round. The winning word: "Impecunious."
Trieu outlasted 22 of the state’s best spellers over the course of two-and-a-half hours at Bowdoin College’s Studzinski Recital Hall. […] Excellent spelling, kids. Trieu, who estimates he studied around 2,500 words from the competition’s suggested list, including “impecunious,” wasn’t the only contestant who appeared calm and confident through the contest’s early rounds. But he separated himself after the judges deviated from the study list and challenged spellers with unfamiliar words. Trieu will attempt to become just the second Mainer to win the National Bee, after 12-year-old Sarah Wilson of Gray accomplished the feat in 1934.
Evan will now start cramming for the National Spelling Bee in D.C. that'll take place in late May. And for those of you wondering, the definition of the winning word is: having little to no money. As in, if you donate once to the Trump campaign after receiving one of his emails, he'll clandestinely sign you up for monthly auto-debit and you'll soon end up...impecunious.
Have a happy humpday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial “To think that Cheers and Jeers could be pornographic means truly not understanding the contents of Bill in Portland Maine’s brain, not understanding candy corn, and not understanding the kiddie pool.” —Cecilie Hollberg
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[END]
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