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Suspect in Rwanda atrocities found living quiet life as Hamptons beekeeper [1]
['Ellsworth Toohey']
Date: 2025-04-24
According to the Department of Justice, everyone's favorite Hamptons beekeeper spent the summer of '94 organizing rape squads and manning murder checkpoints, but a kindly private equity entrepreneur on Long Island is making sure you can still buy his artisanal honey at the farmers farket!
ABC News reports that Faustin Nsabumukunzi got nabbed by the feds Thursday for allegedly lying about his genocide-soaked past when filling out his green card application in 2007. Mr. Nsabumukunzi apparently got writer's cramp right where it asked about "crimes against humanity." He tried the same selective amnesia routine on his citizenship applications in 2009 and 2015.
Our honey-handed friend allegedly spent his glory days as a "Sector Councilor" in Rwanda, which is basically like being a regional manager at Enterprise Rent-A-Car except instead of upselling insurance, you're directing death squads.
Some people have gap years. Nsabumukunzi is accused of having a genocide year. Then he pulled off the ultimate career transition: from "coordinating ethnic cleansing" to "coordinating garden parties." That doesn't look so good on a LinkedIn profile.
"Nsabumukunzi allegedly ordered a group of armed Hutus to locations where Tutsis were sheltering," reports ABC News, "and the Hutus killed them. Nsabumukunzi also allegedly facilitated the rape of Tutsi women by verbally encouraging Hutu men to do so." For some reason, a fawning New York Times profile from 2006 neglects to mention that part.
"He was released on $250,000 bond with home detention and GPS monitoring and will be allowed to keep working as a gardener for a private equity entrepreneur on Long Island who signed his bond," reports ABC News. Nothing says "Hamptons values" quite like backing your alleged war criminal gardener because, hey, those roses aren't going to prune themselves.
The Justice Department claims Nsabumukunzi's been living his best life for two decades while his alleged victims never got to live at all. Now he's facing 30 years in prison, which seems light for someone convicted in absentia of genocide, but that's what happens when you lie on paperwork instead of just, you know, the mass murder thing.
Meanwhile, local honey enthusiasts are forced to confront the age-old question: Does knowing your artisanal beekeeper allegedly organized systematic rape and murder make his lavender honey taste worse, or just more authentic?
Previously:
• Trump expands offshore detention program, now including Rwanda
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