* * * * *
The True Facility in the Middle of Nowhere
For some obscure reason, Bunny wanted us to go away on a weekend excursion.
Last week she asked me if there was any place I wanted to visit. Not having
any particular destination in mind, I decided to search for “weird places to
visit in Florida [1],” threw a metaphorical dart and proudly announced
“Solomon's Castle [2],” a museum-restaurant-bed-n-breakfast in the middle of
nowhere.
[No matter where you go, there you are.] [3]
The last sixteen miles are long unnamed county roads northwest of Arcadia
[4], itself pretty much in the middle of nowhere, but it's a bit of
civilization in the middle of nowhere. The last mile consists of driving down
a dead end street, past the “END OF PAVEMENT” sign (which is a lie—it's paved
all the way) to a large iron gate marking the entrance to Solomon's Castle.
We parked, and headed on the yellow brick path (asphalt with yellow bricks
stamped out in paint) towards the castle.
[It's befitting a moon castle if you think about it.] [5]
[6]
It is impressive upon first sight and very hard to miss, seeing how it's clad
in aluminum from top to bottom. We passed the two suits of armor and entered
the castle.
[They couldn't be as different as day and knight.] [7]
[8] [And if you think the previous pun was bad, it's worse inside.] [9]
[10]
Our timing was a bit off as we arrived just as the place was closing. They
were expecting us, as Bunny had already arranged for us to stay at this
museum-restaurant-bed-n-breakfast, but Dean, our host, was over in the “Boat-
in-the-Moat,” a 65' replica of a Spanish galleon moored in the moat (every
castle has a moat, right?) which serves as a restaurant.
[Built, by hand, by a five-foot-nothing guy.] [11]
[12]
We walked over to the gangplank and boarded the Boat-in-the-Moat. We met Dean
while the restaurant was in the process of closing. Dean then lead us back
down the gangplank and around the castle to the back, where the Blue Moon
Room was located.
[Swish swish swish] [13]
[14] [It did not!] [15]
[16]
I suspect that the stairs (outside the building) leading to the Blue Moon
Room might not quite meet OSHA standards as there was some heavy swaying as
we climbed the stairs [It did not “sway.” —Bunny] [Oh yes it did. Swayed like
RuPaul at a drag race. —Sean] [It did not, Mr. Hyperbole. —Bunny] [Did too! —
Sean] [Did not! —Bunny] [ENOUGH! —Editor]. Dean then opened the double doors
to our suite.
[Howard Solomon once joked he would only rent this room out once in a blue
moon.] [17]
[18]
The Blue Moon Room is the second best bedroom in the castle—the best
belonging to Howard Solomon, owner and builder of (we learned later) the
whole compound. Our room, the Blue Moon Room, is not only the second best,
but the only other bedroom in the castle (as bed-n-breakfasts go, it's rather
small in the “beds-to-rent” department).
The Blue Moon Room was really nice. Kitchen. Sitting area. Nice-sized bed.
[One half of the room] [19]
[20] [Other half of the room] [21]
[22]
Huge bathroom. And a definite “Blue Moon' theme going on, what with the color
scheme and moon imagery going on (along with a sun motif—honestly, there were
scores of suns and moons all about the room).
[Here a moon] [23]
[There a sun] [24]
[Everywhere a moon and sun] [25]
[All the time, moon and sun] [26]
[But here, I was only expecting a moon] [27]
[Even the shower curtain] [28]
[Will it ever end?] [29]
The one oddity of the room we instantly noticed was a slight incline in the
floor. I wouldn't think a one degree incline would be so noticable but there
it was, a definite list to the south.
Another oddify of the room slowly dawned on us. Back in the Boat-in-the-Moat,
I had asked Dean about wifi access and Dean was a bit vague about it. He
acted like he knew what the term “wifi” meant, and he even said it existed
somewhere on the premises, but he didn't really say outright that we had wifi
access. But no, we didn't. No signal at all. But another thing we had noticed
there was no cell signal either. It then hit me---the entire building was
wrapped in aluminum.
Wrapped. In. Aluminum!
We were sitting in a large Faraday cage!
Talk about being in the Middle Of Nowhere.
[1]
https://www.google.com/search?q=weird+places+to+visit+in+florida
[2]
http://www.solomonscastle.org/
[3]
gopher://gopher.conman.org/IPhlog:2015/01/09/Middle-of-Nowhere.jpg
[4]
http://www.arcadia-fl.gov/
[5]
gopher://gopher.conman.org/IPhlog:2015/01/09/thumb-solomnscastle.jpg
[6]
gopher://gopher.conman.org/IPhlog:2015/01/09/solomonscastle.jpg
[7]
gopher://gopher.conman.org/IPhlog:2015/01/09/thumb-guards.jpg
[8]
gopher://gopher.conman.org/IPhlog:2015/01/09/guards.jpg
[9]
gopher://gopher.conman.org/IPhlog:2015/01/09/thumb-mosaic.jpg
[10]
gopher://gopher.conman.org/IPhlog:2015/01/09/mosaic.jpg
[11]
gopher://gopher.conman.org/IPhlog:2015/01/09/thumb-boat.jpg
[12]
gopher://gopher.conman.org/IPhlog:2015/01/09/boat.jpg
[13]
gopher://gopher.conman.org/IPhlog:2015/01/09/thumb-stairs-bottom.jpg
[14]
gopher://gopher.conman.org/IPhlog:2015/01/09/stairs-bottom.jpg
[15]
gopher://gopher.conman.org/IPhlog:2015/01/09/thumb-stairs-top.jpg
[16]
gopher://gopher.conman.org/IPhlog:2015/01/09/stairs-top.jpg
[17]
gopher://gopher.conman.org/IPhlog:2015/01/09/thumb-entrance.jpg
[18]
gopher://gopher.conman.org/IPhlog:2015/01/09/entrance.jpg
[19]
gopher://gopher.conman.org/IPhlog:2015/01/09/thumb-kitchen.jpg
[20]
gopher://gopher.conman.org/IPhlog:2015/01/09/kitchen.jpg
[21]
gopher://gopher.conman.org/IPhlog:2015/01/09/thumb-bed.jpg
[22]
gopher://gopher.conman.org/IPhlog:2015/01/09/bed.jpg
[23]
gopher://gopher.conman.org/IPhlog:2015/01/09/motif1.jpg
[24]
gopher://gopher.conman.org/IPhlog:2015/01/09/motif2.jpg
[25]
gopher://gopher.conman.org/IPhlog:2015/01/09/motif3.jpg
[26]
gopher://gopher.conman.org/IPhlog:2015/01/09/motif4.jpg
[27]
gopher://gopher.conman.org/IPhlog:2015/01/09/motif5.jpg
[28]
gopher://gopher.conman.org/IPhlog:2015/01/09/motif6.jpg
[29]
gopher://gopher.conman.org/IPhlog:2015/01/09/motif7.jpg
Email author at
[email protected]
