The mini-Annals of Improbable Research ("mini-AIR")

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The mini-Annals of Improbable Research ("mini-AIR")
Issue Number 1995-01
January, 1995
ISSN 1076-500X
Key words: is called research,Ig Nobel,AIRhead
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The mini-journal of inflated research and personalities
published by The Annals of Improbable Research (AIR)
at The MIT Museum
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1995-01-01 TABLE OF CONTENTS

1995-01-01 Table of Contents
1995-01-02 AIRhead News Flashes and Flushes
1995-01-03 Valentine's Day AIRhead Chocolate Gender Survey
1995-01-04 Correction: Mass Murderer Accreditation
1995-01-05 More Skinny on Internet Barbie
1995-01-06 AIRhead Project 2000: preliminary results
1995-01-07 Ig Nobel Interlopers!!!
1995-01-08 May We Recommend...
1995-01-09 AIRhead Events
1995-01-10 Calls for Papers
1995-01-11 Teachers' Guide
1995-01-12 What is AIR? (*)
1995-01-13 How to Subscribe to AIR(*)
1995-01-14 How to Receive mini-AIR, etc.(*)
1995-01-15 AIR's Mailing and Internet Addresses (*)
1995-01-16 Please DO make copies! (*)

Items marked (*) are reprinted in every issue.

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1995-01-02 AIRhead News Flashes and Flushes

A. There was an error in last issue's notice concerning higher-
level communications. The correct Internet address for God ends
in .ORG, not .GOV

B. On this, day 91 of the Official AIRhead Slogans Competition,
the leading contender for AIR's official German-language slogan is
"Luft, luft, nichts als is luft." Entries for any of the
languages should be e-mailed to [email protected] As stated
previously: [1] we reserve the right to ignore all entries in
languages for which we do not readily have translators; and [2]
we reserve the right to ignore all entries in languages for which
we do have translators.

C. Home, home (page) on the AIR
On Tuesday, January 17, the AIR home page on the World Wide Web
will be ready for your improbable reading pleasure. This
delightful academically deviant work is called "Hot AIR." An
ever-changing kaleidoscopic cornucopia of delights, it [probably]
contains such useful data as: an X-ray image from our research
project on "The Taxonomy of Barney;" images from various Ig Nobel
Prize ceremonies; exhibits from The Museum of Burnt Food; the
complete ancient archives of mini-AIR ("Stale mini-AIR"); photos
from the AIRhead Time Caplet ceremony, and more.
The URL is:
http://web.mit.edu/afs/athena/org/i/improb/www/home.html

D. The definition in mini-AIR 1994-10 that "an acre is the amount
of land that an ox can plow under one man in one day" was
misleading, if not inaccurate.

E. The official first premiere commemorative etcetera print issue
of AIR is now off the presses. It is therefore hot. Our AIRhead
printer printed a not overly large quantity of extra copies of
this historic first etcetera print issue. Therefore, shrewd
individuals who subscribe to AIR before this little treasure trove
runs out will receive the premiere etcetera issue as the first of
their subscription. Hurry hurry hurry, for your children's sake
and so forth.

F. On advice of counsel, we will not, after all, be publishing Lee
L. Franklin's treatise on "Obesity Among Feminist Economists:
Every Tub on its Own Bottom."

G. Because AIR is still so new, fresh, and partially gaseous, we
are unknown to the world at large. Please help us change that.
If you know of specific publications (newspapers, magazines, etc.)
that might like to write about AIR, please tell us the pertinent
info (name of the publication, mail and e-mail addresses, phone
number). Names of specific reporters/editors are especially
helpful.

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1995-01-03 Valentine's Day AIRhead Chocolate Gender Survey

In honor of Valentine's Day, we are conducting a survey of gender
preferences for dark chocolate and light chocolate.

Votes can be cast by visiting the Hot AIR home page on the World
Wide Web (See section 1995-01-02).

Alternatively, please clip the following ballot, fill it out, and
e-mail your data to: [email protected]

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AIRhead Chocolate Survey Form

____MY GENDER IS: FEMALE
____MY GENDER IS: MALE

____I PREFER DARK CHOCOLATE
____I PREFER MILK CHOCOLATE

==============================

NOTES

1. Due to reasons, we cannot acknowledge receipt of individual
data submissions.

2. If you don't like chocolate, tough.

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1995-01-04 Correction: Mass Murderer Accreditation

The survey presented in mini-AIR 1994-12 contains data and/or
conclusions that may be invalid. The research grant money was
withdrawn during the final stages of analysis, skewing both the
results and the researchers. Particularly suspect is the chapter
reproduced here:

VOTING PREFERENCES OF MASS MURDERERS
WHO PARTICIPATED IN THE 1994 US NATIONAL ELECTIONS

82% voted Republican
7% voted Democratic
11% voted for themselves

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1995-01-05 More Skinny on Internet Barbie

Many readers requested that we publish the full text of Donald
Turnblade's essay for the AIRhead Time Caplet Interment Contest.
Our contest was to determine "What/who should be placed into the
Time Caplet?" The contest winners received nothing, as this
contest was devised by AIRheads. However, their names and winning
essays are included in the AIR home page. The home page also
contains a separate list of items that were actually buried in the
Time Caplet.

Donald Turnblade's essay:
"I propose that a symbol embodying
the properties of the Internet be enclosed
in the proposed time capsule. It should represent
the interconnected-ness of the Internet, the human
nature of the inhabitance of the Internet, the
character of Internet communications, and the intellect
of the Internet. Therefore, a half naked Barbie doll
with fiber optic cables instead of doll hair would
represent things fairly well."

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1995-01-06 AIRhead Project 2000: preliminary results

As announced in mini-AIR 1994-02-03 (June, 1993), we are compiling
a list of studies, projects, and products that involve the number
two thousand. Randomly selected items from the list include:

ITEM #2022 (Submitted by investigator Richard Clark)
"The Vision 2000 Program," study conducted in 1972 by
the Tulsa Metropolitan Area Planning Commission.

COLLECTION #ALM-9 (Collection of items manufactured in
Brazil, submitted by investigator Marcos G. Almeida)
"M2000," sports shoes.
"Ginsu 2000," set of knives that cut anything.

ITEM #2025
"Healthy communities 2000," book published by the American
Public Health Association.

ITEM #2026 (Submitted by investigators Jacques Therrien and
Greg Erwin)
"PS-2000," Canadian Government reform plan for
the Public Service.

ITEM #2027 (Submitted by investigator Paul Steckler)
"ML 2000," computer programming language.

ITEM #2028 (Submitted by investigator Greg Goss)
"Century 21," American and Canadian realty company.

ITEM #2034
"SimCity 2000," software simulation developed by Maxis,
for city planning.

ITEM #2035 (Submitted by investigator Eitan Rubin)
"Education 2000," program by the Israeli
Ministry of Education.

ITEM #2039 (submitted by investigator Traugott Goll)
"Design 2000," furniture store in Hong Kong.

ITEM #62401 (Submitted by investigator Dudley A. Horque)
"2000AD," British comic book.

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1995-01-07 Ig Nobel Interlopers!!!

Several of the Nobel Laureates warned us that this would happen.

We were shocked, shocked to discover that a lobbying group in
Washington, DC has issued a press release announcing that it has
chosen the winners of the Ig Nobel Prizes.

The group is called "Physicians Committee for Responsible Medicine
(PCRM)." Neither AIR nor the Ig Nobel Board of Governors had any
previous knowledge of the group. In short, we AIRheads have no
connection with any would-be AIRheads in Washington.

While we sympathize to some extent with PCRM's underlying
sentiments (for example: we no longer advocate that monkeys be
forced to become crack cocaine addicts), we cannot permit this
group to appropriate the good name of the Ig Nobel Prizes. We
must We must protect the purity and essence of the genuine Ig
Nobel Prizewinners.

It seems unthinkable that a group called the "Physicians Committee
for Responsible Medicine" would knowingly commit an irresponsible
act. Yet, it has oft been observed that we live is an imperfect
universe.

The misappropriation of the name "Ig Nobel Prize" has already
begun to cause confusion and consternation -- we first learned
about it via a perplexed phone call from a magazine editor.
Anything you can do to help get the word out would be appreciated
by AIRheads everywhere.

ADDENDUM: Perhaps you have an opinion as to whether this
unauthorized use of the phrase "Ig Nobel Prize" was a responsible
act on the part of the "Physicians Committee for Responsible
Medicine." If you wish to make them aware of your opinion, you
can telephone them at 202-686-2210 or fax them at 202-686-2216 or
mail polite letters to them at 5100 Wisconsin Avenue NW,
Washington, DC 20016.

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1995-01-08 May We Recommend...

Research reports that merit a trip to the library:

"Some observations on nitrous oxide cylinders during emptying,
P.L. Jones, "British Journal of Anaesthesiology," vol. 46, 1974,
pp. 534-538. (Thanks to Marcel E. Durieux for bringing this to
our attention.)

"Learning of Leg Position by Cockroaches in Response to Light," C.
L. Harris, "Physiology and Behavior," vol. 53, 1993, pp. 313-6.

"Lonely hearts advertisements reflect sexually dimorphic mating
strategies," Del Thiessen, Robert K. Young, and Ramona Burroughs,
"Ethology and Sociobiology," vol. 14, no. 3, May 1993, pp. 209-
229. (Thanks to Andy Stewart for bringing this to our attention.)

"Dissociation between the calcium-induced and voltage-driven
motility in cochlear outer hair cells from the waltzing guinea
pig," B. Canlon, B. and D. Dulon, "Journal of Cell Science," vol.
104, 1993, pp. 1137-1143. (Thanks to Fred Wouters for bringing
this to our attention.)

(We welcome your suggestions for this column. Please include full
citations. If possible, please send us a photocopy of the paper.)

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1995-01-09 AIRhead Events

WILLIAMS COLLEGE, Williamstown, MA Mon, Jan 16, 5:00
The Log, Spring Street
Info: 413-597-7482 ([email protected])

SCIENCE WRITERS OF NY (SWINY) Thurs, Feb 2, 6:30
New York Academy of Science, 2 E. 63rd St., NYC

SCIENCE DISCOVERY MUSEUM, Acton MA Tues Feb 7, 3:30-4:30
A hyperinteractive presentation for kids and other scientists.
Info:617-264-4200

NEW ENGLAND SCIENCE FICTION ASSOCIATION Feb 17, 18 or maybe 19
Sheraton Tara, Framingham, MA

MENSA OF CENTRAL NJ Sat, Mar 4, 7:30
Sheraton, Woodbridge, NJ
Info: 908-297-5492 [email protected]

1995 IG NOBEL PRIZE CEREMONY Thurs, Oct 5

INTERSOCIETY POLYMER CONFERENCE Tues, Oct 10
Stouffer Harborplace Hotel, Baltimore, MD
The society recommends early reservations. Info: (518) 387-7942

*** If you would like to host an Improbable Research Event
*** at your conference, university, research center, company,
*** hospital, high school, or scenic mountain vacation home,
*** please get in touch with us.

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1995-01-10 Calls for Papers

CALL FOR PAPERS on the topic: "Chocolate Research." Reports of
your research RESULTS are preferred to speculative essays.

CALL FOR NOMINATIONS for the 1995 Ig Nobel Prizes. Ig Nobel Prizes
are awarded for achievements that cannot or should not be
reproduced. Nominations may be submitted, anonymously or
otherwise, by e-mail or by standard mail.

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1995-01-11 Teachers' Guide

[We might repeat this section in future issues. Then again, we
might not. Please pass it on to any teacher friend who would find
it useful.]

Three out of five teachers agree: curiosity is a dangerous thing,
especially in students. If you are one of the other two teachers,
AIR and mini-AIR can be powerful tools. Choose your favorite
hAIR-raising article and give copies to your students. The
approach is simple. The scientist thinks that he (or she, or
whatever), of all people, has discovered something about how the
universe behaves. So:

* Is this scientist right -- and what does "right" mean, anyway?
* Can you think of even one different explanation that works
as well or better?
* Did the test really, really, truly, unquestionably, completely
test what the author thought he was testing?
* Is the scientist ruthlessly honest with himself about how well
his idea explains everything, or could he be suffering from
wishful thinking?

Kids are naturally good scientists. Help them stay that way.

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1995-01-12 WHAT IS AIR? (*)

AIR is a new magazine produced by the entire former editorial
staff (1955-1994) of "The Journal of Irreproducible Results." The
new magazine's co-founders are Marc Abrahams, who edited The
Journal from 1990-1994, and Alexander Kohn, who founded The
Journal in 1955 and was its editor until 1989. AIR is published
by the MIT Museum in Cambridge, MA. The editorial board consists
of more than 40 distinguished scientists from around the world
including seven Nobel Laureates. Each October, AIR and the MIT
Museum produce the Ig Nobel Prize Ceremony, honoring people whose
achievements cannot or should not be reproduced.

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1995-01-13 How to Subscribe to AIR(*)

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1995-01-14 How to Receive mini-AIR, etc.(*)

mini-AIR is an monthly electronic supplement to The Annals of
Improbable Research (AIR). It is available over the Internet,
free of charge. To subscribe, send a brief E-mail message to:
[email protected]
The body of your message should contain ONLY the words
SUBSCRIBE MINI-AIR MARIE CURIE
(You may substitute your own name for that of Madame Curie.)
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To stop subscribing, send the following message:
SIGNOFF MINI-AIR
To obtain a list of back issues, send this message:
INDEX MINI-AIR
To retrieve a particular back issue,
send a message specifying which issue you want.
For example, to retrieve issue 94-00006,send this message:
GET MINI-AIR 94-00006

To obtain a somewhat complete list of gopher sites that maintain
mini-AIR, email us a request.

::::: Hot AIR on the World Wide Web
The URL is:
http://web.mit.edu/afs/athena/org/i/improb/www/home.html

::::: AIR extracts on USENET

The USENET news group clari.feature.imprb_research presents a
syndicated weekly column of reports extracted from The Annals of
Improbable Research. The material presented there is different
from what appears here in mini-AIR. [Please note: The newsgroup is
available to you if and only if your Internet site subscribes to
the Clarinet newsgroups.]

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1995-01-15 AIR's Mailing and Internet Addresses

The Annals of Improbable Research (AIR)
The MIT Museum
265 Massachusetts Ave., Cambridge, MA 02139 USA

Subscriptions: (617) 253-4462 fax:(617)253-8994 [email protected]
Editorial: 617) 253-8329 [email protected]

PLEASE include your Internet address
in all printed correspondence.

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1995-01-16 Please make copies! (*)

We urge you to distribute copies of mini-AIR or excerpts from it.
The only limitations are:
A) Please indicate that the material appeared in mini-AIR and is
reprinted with permission.
B) You do NOT have permission to copy or excerpt this document
for commercial purposes.

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(c) copyright 1995, The Annals of Improbable Research
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mini-AIRheads
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Editor: Marc Abrahams ([email protected])
WWW Editor/Global Village Idiot: Amy Gorin ([email protected])
Associate Editors: Mark Dionne, Stanley Eigen, Jane Patrick
Technical Difficulties: Diego Garcia, Francesca Thurston
AIRhead researchers: Nicki Sorel, Nickoli Mnot, Chip LaChien
Authority Figure: Barbara Linden

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IMPORTANT -- The Annals of Improbable Research is IN NO WAY
associated with the name "The Journal of Irreproducible
Results" or with the publisher of "The Journal of
Irreproducible Results"
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