BTN:  Birmingham Telecommunications News

COPYRIGHT 1993           ISSN 1055-4548

July 1993    Volume 6, Issue 7
             Edition 2

Table Of Contents
-----------------
Article Title                                  Author
Policy Statement and Disclaimer................Staff
From The Editor................................Scott Hollifield
Grocking the Gestalt III.......................Scott Pletcher
Mammoth Shaving: The Last Word.................Gwendolyn Norton
Some Positive Input............................Jeff Vaughn
Loser User.....................................The Id
Node Chat Theatre..............................Scott Hollifield
SEC Outlook....................................David Moss
Local Music In July............................Judy Ranelli
BTN ProFile: Murphy............................The Bishop
Mustang Software RIP News......................MSI press release
Anatomy of a Hoax..............................Staff
Special Interest Groups (SIGs).................Eric Hunt
Known BBS Numbers..............................James Minton

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Disclaimer and Statement of Policy for BTN

We at BTN try our best to assure the accuracy of articles and
information in our publication.  We assume no responsibility for damage
due to errors, omissions, etc.  The liability, if any for BTN, its
editors and writers, for damages relating to any errors or omissions,
etc., shall be limited to the cost of a one year subscription to BTN,
even if BTN, its editors or writers have been advised of the likelihood
of such damages occurring.

With the conclusion of that nasty business, we can get on with our
policy for publication and reproduction of BTN articles.  We publish
monthly with a deadline of the fifteenth of the month prior to
publication.  If you wish to submit an article, you may do so at any
time but bear in mind the deadline if you wish for your work to appear
in a particular issue.  It is not our purpose to slander or otherwise
harm a person or reputation and we accept no responsibility for the
content of the articles prepared by our writers.  Our writers own their
work and it is protected by copyright.  We allow reprinting of articles
from BTN with only a few restrictions.  The author may object to a
reprint, in which case he will specify in the content of his article.
Otherwise, please feel free to reproduce any article from BTN as long as
the source, BTN, is specified, and as long as the author's name and the
article's original title are retained.  If you use one of our articles,
please forward a copy of your publication to:

Mark Maisel
Publisher, BTN
606 Twin Branch Terrace
BHAM, AL 35216
(205) 823-3956

We thank you for taking the time to read our offering and we hope that
you like it.  We also reserve the right to have a good time while doing
all of this and not get too serious about it.

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        F R E E B I E :  G E T  I T  W H I L E  I T S  H O T !

The following boards allow BTN to be downloaded freely, that is with no
charge to any existing upload/download ratios.

ADAnet One              Alter-Ego               Bone Yard
Bus System              The Castle              Channel 8250
C.A.B.                  The Comfy Chair!        Crunchy Frog
DC Info Exchange        Final Frontier          Hardware Hotline
Homewood's Hell Hole    The Holodeck BBS        Joker's Castle
Lemon Grove             Lion's Den              Martyrdom Again?!
The MATRIX              Milliways BBS           The Outer Limits
Owlabama BBS            Owl's Nest              Playground
Safe Harbor             Southern Stallion       Starbase 12
Thy Master's Dungeon    Weekends BBS


(This list includes some systems which are not local to Birmingham and
therefore not included on our BBS Numbers list.)

If you are a sysop and you allow BTN to be downloaded freely, please let
me know via The Matrix or Crunchy Frog so that I can post your board as
a free BTN distributor.  Thanks.

Please note a slight change in our distribution policy!  The local
boards in this list get BTN *first*, to the best of our ability.  -SH


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From the Editor
by Scott Hollifield


   What is the true meaning of Christmas?

   Well, yes, it *is* July, and it *is* Independence Day weekend as I
type this, so I guess I'm talking about any holiday here.

   What *are* holidays, anyhow?  Christmas, we've already talked about
in this space, but what about the others?  I mean, here it is -- the
217th anniversary of what's widely believed to be the founding of our
nation - and we celebrate it by barbecuing?  It seems like half of our
national holidays have turned into Barbecue Day.  Oh sure, some of us --
including myself - will go out tonight and buy lots of cheap explosives
to ignite, which is the more traditional way of celebrating this
holiday.  Still, I can't speak for anyone else, but when I'm shooting
fireworks, I'm not doing it with my hand on my heart, thinking about
what a great country this is.  I'm allowing myself a smidgen of
enjoyment at loud noise and bright, colorful explosions, just for their
own sake.

   I'll tell you what I'm doing right now to celebrate the Fourth.  I'm
sitting in an untidy, stuffy (but air-conditioned) room with Lou Reed on
the CD player, typing out my BTN editorial four days late.  Outside,
there's the sound of hammering and sawing; someone's working on the
deck.  I'm going to avoid this person.  In a few minutes, someone's
going to walk in here and invite me to eat pot roast and steamed
carrots; I'm also going to avoid this person (while hiding the cracker
and cheese which have sustained me this morning).  I'm going to call a
few friends on the telephone who will likely be too busy to talk more
than two minutes; I'm going to write another page of my memoirs
(currently in cartoon form).  I'm going to put off doing laundry, taking
out trash, and washing the car.  And then tonight, I'm going to go see
Dean and we're going to make loud noises and bright explosions happen on
and above some deserted parking lot.

   If holidays are just an excuse to goof off, why have them?  That's
what our weekends were supposed to be for, originally; but our society
has evolved to the point where our weekend-style goofing off is also a
lot of work, so it requires the addition of another level.  Also,
holidays carry with them a veiled set of expectations.  We're expected
to be celebratory; we're expected to be reverent, and content, and
sociable.  My point is, why can't we be like that all the time?

   Not to press too much a "why can't it be Christmas every day" point,
but holidays are a copout, an excuse -- a place to funnel our positive
energy because we're too busy or too tired to use it on ordinary days.
I know a few people who are the exception to this rule; I am myself,
occasionally.  But it really is too bad that we have these holidays laid
out for us, to save us the trouble of being happy year-round.

   This is how I spend my holidays.


   Anyhow, we've got a fairly decent issue this month, even if it is a
few days late.  Judy Ranelli makes her triumpant return to BTN after
being left out last month (which, I must stress, was *nobody's* fault).
Scott Pletcher also returns to this space after a number of months on
the inactive list.  Eric Hunt begins his term overseeing the re-building
of the SIG list (at the end of this issue; help him out, won't you?).
Gwendolyn Norton delivers her final manifesto on what used to be her
favorite subject, mammoth shaving.  Jeff Vaughn has a few things to say
to you parents out there; a fellow called the Id has a relevant
experience to relate; David Moss provides our football fans with a handy
clip-and-save SEC schedule; and the BTN ProFile returns this month, with
a new look at an old face with a new name and a new attitude.  (At least
that's what they tell me.)


   Happy independence; not just for today, but hopefully, for the
remainder of your life.


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Grocking the Gestalt III (or is it IV?)
   by Scott Pletcher


   Controversy is god.  Whoops!  Sorry about that little Freudian slip.
What I MEANT to say is Controversy is GOOD....good.  I can't think of
any other human convention that is capable of drawing our most primal
behaviors into a boiling, churning, heterogeneous slop as that of
religion.  According to Webster, religion is the belief in God or gods,
usually manifested in conduct and ritual.  I like this definition.  It's
simple yet inclusive.  Plus, it has a nice minty aftertaste, which is,
of course, ever so important in the fine art of language articulation.

   The first being who transgressed that fuzzy line of "animal" and
"human" had a natural fascination with his surroundings.  He didn't know
why he could see half the day, and was functionally sightless the other
half.  Where did that warm glaring object go?  Why did his skin turn
painfully red when the object was in view?  He, of course, created
scenario and deities to explain the phenomena.  His descendants did
exactly the same.  When presented with a mysterious situation, humans
will create a story with the unknown as the central focus and fill in
the details 'til we're content.  Remember, humans highly dislike being
uninformed.  Even though the "lore" may be unproven, we are, to a
certain extent, simply satisfied with any answer.


    Ask any patron of the old west saloon what the moon was made of,
and you'd get the standard "Why, green cheese, of course!"
   You deftly reply, "How do you know this to be true, sir?"
   "Well...gee...lemme see...My daddy told me so, that's why!"
   Now, hold your horses (no pun intended).  You say this is
ridiculous?  Oh yeah?  Who convinced you that there was a Santa Claus or
Easter Bunny or Tooth Fairy or Hanukkah Harry (SNL reference)?  Why
sure, you eventually found Santa's stash in the top of your parents'
closet, but what if you hadn't?  And what if no one EVER found the
Christmas stash?  You would still believe...until you, yourself became a
parent, and found no parcels under your family's tree and were left with
a gaggle of bawling, slobbering human larvae.

   The point is this.  A large part of our schemata is composed of
rituals, beliefs, and procedures that may not be true, but then again,
no one has actually disproven them either.  If there were no conflicting
views, we would all be like little cloned amoebas floating around in the
grand petri dish we call terra firma.  No one has ever PROVEN that Adam
and Eve were the first two people on earth, but no one has ever proven
otherwise.  However, we do have records of Homo erectus and Homo sapiens
(but nothing in between, mind you).  Thus, I decided to base my second
paragraph on this...the Theory of Evolution.  This brings me to another
point.

   People say to me, "Scott, why do you still believe in EVIL- lution
when this world is so perfect.  How can this be a product of chance?"

   My reply is this: The world is NOT a product of chance, but rather a
product of 4.5 billion years of Survival of the Fittest.  It's not like
you'd dump a jigsaw puzzle out of the box on a table and expect it to
mesh together as the pieces hit the table.  You try each piece...one by
one.  If the piece doesn't fit, you try another.  Likewise, if an
organism doesn't jive with things, it dies out.  Of course, you could
always whip out the trusty Dura-Sheers that Pat spoke about on T.V. and
"alter" the puzzle piece.  Presto!  You are evolving the piece!  An
organism has one of two choices...to either change or die.

    For example, look at the insect world.  Some insects have
camouflage, like the stick bug.  Some have bright colors, but taste
awful to their predators, like the Monarch butterfly.  How often do you
see an insect who tastes good, AND is bright colored?  You don't!  They
were all eaten by birds!

    Now, your saying, "Ahh...but what about your puzzle piece example.
There has to be a higher force to either alter or fit the pieces.
Therefore, God must be at work..."

    Well, okay, I see your point.  I, however, think of the higher
force as life.  Life is not stagnant.  We are constantly moving,
resting, jumping, crawling, picking, killing, adjusting, loving,
burping, farting, drinking, vomiting, et al.  Life is the Dura-Sheers of
evolution.

   Ya know, I constantly see signs and bumper-stickers that say "God
is Life" or "Say Yes to Jesus, and Say Yes to Life" or "Honk If You Are
Pro-Life AND Pro-Jesus", yet no one who would actively display these
blatant outward signs of religion ever agrees with me.  Usually, I'm
rebuffed by a Bible quote and an "I'm praying for you" broadcasted
though a false smile.

   Why does God have to be a being...of human form?  Sure, I know that
the Bible says that God created us in his own likeness, but why does
that "likeness" have to mean human flesh and blood.  Why can't likeness
mean "active with life"?  From studying the remains of people from
ancient Egypt to the present, scientists have concluded that humans, in
general, have grown approximately a foot over the past two and one half
millennia.  Does this mean that God is going through puberty....hitting
a growth spurt?  Or perhaps He's just bent on getting the NBA to raise
the hoops?

    Now, I understand that the Bible is the crux of the Christian
faith, and I don't mean to detract from that.  Oh, don't worry.  You're
not the only religion based on a book.  Just were would the Muslims be
without the Koran?  (Living in harmony, maybe?  Okay, bad joke.  I'm
sorry.  I would really rather not start taking cues from Salman
Rushdie.)  And Scientology... you can thank L. Ron Hubbard for that one!
And who can forget The Church of the Sub-Genius ...just f**k 'em if they
can't take a joke -- right, "Bob"?

AUTHOR'S NOTE: If this article struck a nerve (or G-spot) then
              saunter on in to Conference 72 (I-FAITH) on the
              Matrix.  (Definitely SAUNTER, if you chose the G-
              spot option...)

----
   Scott Pletcher is currently touring across America with the Force
   Team on their "Steroids for Our Savior Tour".  Watch as they amaze
   you with feats of superhuman strength and then somehow, relate it
   to the evil powers of Satan.


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Mammoth Shaving: The Last Word
   by Gwendolyn Norton


   Most users who have ever chatted with me are more than likely
familiar with my conversation starter: "Do you have any opinions on the
subject of mammoth shaving?"
   It was a good question.  The kind that would get a far more meaty
answer than "whatz up?"  There were all sorts of elaborations I had in
stock, about how ever since I had been a child I had wanted to be a
street mammoth shaver with my small hat right next to the mammoth's big
hat for our audience's coins.  Or about my first mammoth shaving recital
and how I was so unprepared I started shaving at the "wrong end" and the
whole audience laughed--however, they were not laughing for long, as
their loud guffawing frightened the mammoth into a stampede, crushing
most of them to horrible, pathetic, insignificant deaths.  Of course,
later on in life, I learned that there was neither a "correct" nor
"incorrect" end at which one begins shaving a mammoth and was thankful
that I broke out of the establishment when I did.  There were, of
course, many other aspects, such as PEDA (People for the Ethical
Disembowelment of Animals), the mammoth farms and others too numerable
to mention.  As I continued to pose this question of mine, it became
evident that there were four basic responses: paranoia, seduction,
wanna-be, and, of course, those who took playing along to a fine art.

    Paranoia was not an overly common reaction.  From time to time I'd
get someone saying, "Do you have other people over there?  Are you all
laughing at me?", and the like.  More often, these feelings of paranoia
led the person in question to pathetic attempts of playing along for
fear of looking stupid in front of several other mystery people.

    Then there were the people who either took the question as a sexual
entendre, or decided that they would make it into one.  The reply that
sticks in my mind above all others is, "Hey baby!  You can shave my
mammoth any day!"  There was a noticeable drop off in this style of
response right around the beginning of January, as soon as I became
equipped with a humorous response or two.  I've yet to have an
opportunity to use them.

   The absolutely most vast category is definitely the wanna-bes. They
are usually 13 or 14, and trying to show everyone just how WEIRD they
can be.  They usually never even answer the question, and when they do,
their answers are as unimpressive as their attempted evasive
maneuverings.  They tend to say stuff like "Gee, that's a weird
question!  That's just the kind of question that I would ask. I'm a
really weird person.  I like to ask people weird questions," ad nauseam.

   Then there is the truly elite category where only a very small few
reside.  These are the people who answered, and answered well.  The two
most memorable responses were that of Aaron Dees and Jennifer Roberts.
The latter of the two had her own mammoths, and kept them in her gutters
and taught them to sing Italian opera.

   At last the world of mammoth shaving has come to an end.  I'm
selling the mammoth farm like one would an old used car.  I'm going out
of state to college before much more than a month now, and I won't be in
the neighborhood to ask the locals their opinions any more.  I have just
presented the results of a question that I've asking for over a year and
a half.  In essence, I suppose that there is a fifth category, but I
won't go into detail about it.  If you find that you do not fit into any
of the above four, you can rest assured that you fit into the fifth.
It's not a bad thing, you know; it's a nice category with soft and
fluffy pillows.  The laces curtains and the tapioca pudding should be in
within the week.

----
   Gwendolyn Norton will be picking up and leaving us in August for
upstate New York, where, it is assumed, her pocket universe will be
travelling with her.

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Some Positive Input
   by Jeff Vaughn


   Just recently, I spoke with a parent of one of the users on Matrix
BBS.  This was a parent of a good friend of mine and we speak often.
For some strange reason, I usually end up talking to the mature crowds.
Why?  I can't figure it.  I guess things are just that way.

   Anyway, this mother was telling me just how much positive influence
the bulletin boards systems were having on her children.  One in
particular we spoke about was her daughter, which, for some time, wasn't
really interested in the BBS until she started watching her older
brother.

   Plainly put, the mother explained to me just how much the BBS had
matured her daughter.  Her daughter hadn't really been all that
outgoing, but was starting to turn for the better because of the BBS.
The mother told me that she liked the idea of her daughter being able to
meet people at a safe distance.  I guess that's true.  Behind the
screen, there is a limit to what people can do.

   It's a commonly known fact that when you log onto a BBS to meet
people, you gamble every time.  You never know exactly what you're
getting into.  There are good and bad people on the systems.  One thing
you can't do, though, is judge a system by it's users' attitudes.  We
both agreed that a system can't really have any control over the way the
users act toward one another.

   Another thing we spoke about was that it's good to know that there
are systems out there that aren't one-sided, bigoted, or racial about
the kind of message bases they hold.  Eveyone has a right to speak about
what they believe in.  Personally, I have nothing against a person's
beliefs, religious or otherwise.  As long as they don't force them on
me, I'm cool with it.

   The mother said that she'd been BBSing for some time, and brought
up the fact that there was a BBS she called some time ago that was
dedicated to adult-oriented subjects.  There were aliases, and so a
level of privacy was kept. She admitted that she participaed in some of
the conversations, and said it was a lot of fun.  At one point, she
said, some people started taking things seriously and began getting a
little personal.  It's a shame that some people just can't just "let it
go" and go about their business.  It's only in fun and some forgot that,
so, she simply quit calling.  It was that easy.

   She was very aware of the fact that The Matrix carried adult files
and had adult-related message sections.  A big problem out there is that
a lot of parents don't take the time to get involved, and end up finding
out about things when it's too late.  Neither of us saw the big harm in
a system carrying adult files, as long as the flow was handled within
the limits of the law.  The bottom line is, if you don't like something
a BBS is doing, you don't have to participate in it, but don't ruin it
for others.

   As a lot of you know, there were a couple of nights where Channel 13
put out some very negative stories about adult-literature and bulletin
board systems.  In my personal opinon, it was extremely one-sided
because of one fact: they didn't take the time to research the story.
The media has a habit of taking rumors and forming them into what they
call "hard-core" facts, and this was the case here.  Yes, there may be
some BBS's that illegally distribute adult-oriented material, but not
all.  Channel 13 made the mistake of putting it on a global level, and
that's just not the case.

   I would like to point out something that really bothers me and I
hope you parents are listening.  If a system requires an I.D. from a
user and your son or daughter decides to copy another individual's I.D.
and use it for their own benefits, it's your children you should be
worrying about, not the BBS they're getting the adult files or messages
from.  The sysop doesn't have the time to meet every person face to face
for an I.D., and can't be held responsible.  If your kid is devious
enough to pull a stunt like that, you need to sit them down and have a
long talk about where they got the I.D. from.  Don't go running to
Channel 13 screaming "the BBS are ruining my child's mind!", because it
just ain't so.  If you're going to make accusations about a BBS, do
a little research.  Don't blame the entire BBS community for something
that your kid is doing.

   The previous paragraph was not meant as an insult to the parental
types, but as a reminder that your kids can do wrong just as much as
others can.  Bulletin board systems are sometimes at fault, but they are
also victims of circumstance as well sometimes. The door swings both
ways, and until all parents see that, it's going to be a one-sided view.
I'm sorry to put it way, but that's just logic.  If you're going to go
into a situation with guns blazing, make sure you do it for the right
reasons and you've got all the hard facts, not because you dislike
what's going on and you've heard some nasty rumors.


----
   Jeff Vaughn is the new advertising chief for BTN, and has two more
articles already finished which he is going to be annoyed to see weren't
included in this month's issue.

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                              LOSER USER

                              by The Id


   How do you help a user who has lost his data disk?

   Find it of course!  You are 47 miles away and haven't set foot on
the premises in three months, but you must find the disk.

   It had been a rough day.  Nothing worked, not even the office key.
At least a few things got filed, and the desk straightened, so I could
find the bills anyway.  Finally at home, I kicked off my shoes.  Lunch
didn't work either, so I was hungry and the wife said dinner was almost
ready.  I was about to head downstairs when a call came in.  Caller was
frantic, having lost the ONLY data disk containing vital financial
information needed for an annual convention to be held the next day (of
course).  I was commanded to find the disk, over the phone.

   Sure I could run someone through a few things over the phone but to
find a lost disk was a new challenge.  Running programs remotely was
just a matter of keystrokes, and a screen was only an added benefit.  A
lost disk in an office where the traffic is high, no computer personnel,
and no consistent backup, were probably the least of the problems.  This
was going to be tough and I was tired.

   The following is just a synopsis of the story of the "loser-user's
lost disk".

RING! RING!

Consultant>
              "Hello?"
User>
              "Hey, someone lost my disk and I need help!  It's an
              important disk, and I need it now for financial
              reports for the Annual Convention that starts tomor-
              row and I've been looking for it for hours and I am
              going crazy looking for it!  Can you help?"
Consultant>
              "Do you have a backup?
User>
              "Sure! Hold on....

              30 seconds pause...............

              It's dated 4/16/92."
Consultant>
              "When was the last time you saved your data?"
User>
              "Maybe December of '92 or January of '93.  I don't
              know.  Hold on.....



              30 seconds pause...............

              Looks like July '92, and I have worked on that last
              data for 2 weeks in March.  But it's the current disk
              I am looking for.  The data is on the disk, if I can
              only find the disk.  Did you know where it could be?"

Consultant's Wife>
              "Supper is ready!"
Consultant>
              "Be right there!
User>
              "Oh, will you?  That would be great!
Consultant>
              "Uh, no, I was talking to my wife.  Sorry.  Where was
              the last place you saw the disk?"
User>
              "On the desk.  Last month.
              Oh, by the way we swapped out machines last week.  I
              traded up to a 386 with a bigger hard diskette."
Consultant>
              "Do you still have the original computer or did you
              sell it?"
User>
              "Yes, but it's in the back under some speakers.  I
              put the speaker on top to raise them off the floor.
              Yep, I put down a mat and then the computer with a
              tarp over it and put those speakers on top. That
              wouldn't hurt the computer would it?"
Consultant>
              "Have you checked to see if you left the disk in the
              drive of the old machine.?"
User>
              "No, let me check..."
Consultant>
              "Hello?"

30 seconds pause...............

User>
              "There a disk in the machine but how do I get it
              out?"

Consultant's Wife>
              "Get your butt downstairs!  Dinner's getting cold."
Consultant>
              "In a minute, honey!  Uh, no not you.  Wife again.
              Look at the machine in front of you.  See the small
              button next to the drive?""
User>
              "Yes!"


Consultant>
              "Push it and the disk will pop out."
User>
              "OK."

30 seconds pause......

User>
              "Wrong disk; it was my checking account data.  Boy,
              am I glad I found this disk.  I wonder how many
              others are missing?  What am I going do?  There is
              over 18 months worth of data on that disk.  I
              couldn't enter it all in three weeks.  My granddaughter
              was in here the other day.  She could have taken it,
              she loves computers.  She knows all about them, but
              she's asleep.  She will be five next month.  It's my
              wedding anniversary tonight and the wife keeps call-
              ing.  What am I gonna do?  The caterers were in here.
              The mailman was in here.  Do you think one of them
              will return the disk?"
Consultant>
              "Was the disk labeled?
User>
              "I think so, but I can't remember what was on the
              label.  What am I going to do?
Consultant>
              "Calm down, take a deep breath, shake your hands and
              stand up"
User>
              "Great, the disk was on top of the computer hutch,
              behind my granddaughter's picture!"
Consultant>
              "Back up the disk, before you do anything else."
User>
              "No, I need to get this data in now.  If I don't
              start now I can't finish.  Lucky I got that Laser
              last week.  See ya.
Consultant>
              "But you need to back up the disk."
User>
              "Thanks, bye."
Consultant>
              "Hello?"

 Well, it took only one and half hours to find that lost disk, over
the phone.  At least he said thanks.  Now, on to that cold supper.
Wonder if I can microwave cold mashed potatoes?

! RING!



Consultant>
              "Hello?"
User>
              "It will print to screen but not the printer.  What
              do I do?  If I can't get it printed, the data is no
              use to me.  It's past 10:00 p.m. and I can't get any
              toner tonight and I have to leave at 5:00 a.m. in the
              morning.  What am I gonna do?  I can't save the data
              without printing it first.  I have to go through the
              procedure step by step or I will lose the data.  But
              it will print to the screen.  Can I put my monitor on
              the copier?  What am I gonna do?"
Consultant>
              "Did you back the disk up or copy it?"
User>
              "No, I have to get this information in tonight and I
              don't have time to copy the disk."
Consultant>
              "Are the lights on the laser?"
User>
              "Yes, and its says it's full of toner.  God, I got to
              pack the swimsuit.  Can I come over and print in on
              your machine?
Consultant>
              "Mine's in the shop.  Have you checked the cables on
              the printer?"
User>
              "The cables?  You mean open up the printer and pull
              at the wires?  I didn't know they call them cables.
              Which one?  Are they colored?"
Consultant>
              "There should be a cable on the outside of the
              printer coming out of the rear, about 1/4 inch thick
              with a 36 pin connecter on the end.  Check and see if
              the cable is attached to the printer securely."
User>
              "Hold on...."

30 seconds pause......

....(sounds of moving furniture).

30 seconds pause......

....(sounds of a box falling)

30 seconds pause......

User>
              "The cable was on the floor.  Where do I plug it in?"


Consultant>
              "Look in the rear of the machine which will be the
              same size as the connector and it slips in.  DO NOT
              FORCE IT."

30 seconds pause......

User>
              Got it, thanks. Bye."
Consultant>
              "Make a backup of the disk."
User>
              "Haven't got time.  Thanks, bye."
Consultant>
              "Hello?"

 Up and running after 2 1/2 hours of this and he still will
will not copy the disk.  Now to see about microwaving those mashed
potatoes.


----
   The Id is a mild-mannered attorney by day, and a square-jawed,
noble crusader for computer consulting after the sun goes down.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------


And now it's time for an all-new feature here at BTN....


                   * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
                         Node Chat Theatre!!
                   * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *



One of the most popular features on national services like
CompuServe(tm) and America Online(tm) is the live, real-time "chat"
feature where two or more users can hold a real conversation over the
computer from the privacy of their own respective homes.  With the
advent of multi-node BBS software, this phenomenon has spread to local
bulletin boards as well, and there's no local example so predominant in
this regard as THE MATRIX, which needs no introduction.  The Matrix,
which sports 25 separate lines, has recently installed a beta version
of PCBoard 15.0, which features a revamped chat system more similar to
those used by CompuServe.  This type of chat system, discussed by Jeff
Vaughn last issue, allows arbitrary "rooms" or "channels" that can be
used as virtual retreats by users.

Now, a user can make his channel "private" anytime he or she wants to,
thus ensuring that no one can snoop in on the conversation.  One of our
correspondents, however, caught two users chatting with each other in
flagrante - out in the open, as it were - and, through the magic of
modern computer technology, captured a bit of their exchange in a
buffer.  With the voyeuristic theme of recent movies like Silver, we
thought we'd cash in on this new national trend and present you, the BTN
reader, with a small slice of BBS life.


NOTE!:
   The users whose conversation is quoted here were chatting PUBLICLY,
   where anyone could have monitored.  The names have been changed,
   to protect the shameless.

                              ------------

JANE
   you really are funny!!!!! because I hope you are not offfended by
   the interracial thing all people are alike and we all bleed the same
   kind of blood my boyfriend looks like a white person with a really
   good tan year round.

DAN
   Not offended at the least...matter of fact, I have a "hot" thing
   towards a good looking black woman <yikes>....

JANE
   there's nothing wrong with that at all because sometimes chocalate
   is better than marshmellows.

DAN
   hahaha...I like to look at all women, but some black women do make
   my blood boil !!! Same with orientals

JANE
   really I know what steve does for me and I have never had it like he
   gives it to me and I have to admit that I have alot of exeperience
   with guys.

DAN
   Hmmmm....wouldn't mind listening to all of this <g>........maybe my
   <hummmmm...ummm....ahhhh...>....yeah , I'm feeling a little warm now
   !!

JANE
   I know what you mean this morning was like a volcano about to blow
   before he went to work and believe it did!!!!!!!!

DAN
   Okayyyyy/....now the temp risess and rises...hmmmmmmm...lost my
   train of thought

JANE
   really that's inteesting, I don't know that many people that will
   admit that to someone else because I have always been open about
   what I like and most people willback off when you tell them what you
   want and maybe even wanting to have or to watch someone else.

DAN
   Tell me what you want...I won't back off <g>.......we have done many
   things, and most have been very enjoyable and done again !!

JANE
   like what? I have always wanted to do it in the rain outside and I
   probably have experienced many of the things that I could have
   fantasied about.

DAN
   We been in the rain, and I would just love to hear what kinds of
   fantasies youve had!

JANE
   I will tell you if can change over to a not so available channel for
   everyone else.

DAN
   lets' go...I'll page you


                              ------------

ENDNOTE:
   Dan went to another channel, which he made private, and eventually,
after much delay, Jane joined him.  But at some point, the channel was
accidentally set to public again by one of the participants.  What
little of their subsequent conversation was captured by our
correspondent is, regrettably, unsuitable for reprinting in BTN.

P.S.A.:
   BTN encourages the education and review of the use of BBS software
features like the Matrix's chat command system.  In the new digital
arena, it's more important than ever for every individual to be keenly
aware of the consequences his or her communication may enact!

NEXT MONTH:
   More "Node Chat Theatre", if people don't wise up.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

SEC Football Outlook
   by David Moss


   Can Alabama repeat as National Champions?
   Yes, it's that time of year when practice begins.  Before you know
it, the season will be in high gear.  Before any of us can even begin to
make predictions, we must first take a look at who plays who, and where.
This matters, since the home team usually has an advantage.  This is
also the year that Alabama goes back to Auburn for their game together.
I could write a whole article on this matter alone, but, this is no
longer an argument.  The game has been moved and that's that!

So, without further ado, here it is;

                    The Entire 1993 SEC Football Schedule
                ---------------------------------------------
                                 Alabama

       Date                      Opponent                 Site

       Sept.  4                  Tulane                Legion Field
       Sept. 11                  Vanderbilt            Nashville
       Sept. 18                  Arkansas              Tuscaloosa
       Sept. 25                  Louisiana Tech.       Legion Field
       Oct.   2                  South Carolina        Columbia
       Oct.   9     ( Open )
       Oct.  16                  Tennessee             Legion Field
       Oct.  23                  Ole Miss              Oxford
       Oct.  30 ( Home Coming )  Southern Miss         Tuscaloosa
       Nov.   6                  LSU                   Tuscaloosa
       Nov.  13                  Mississippi St.       Tuscaloosa
       Nov.  20                  Auburn                Auburn
   -------------------------------------------------------------------
                                 Arkansas

       Sept.  4                  SMU                   Dallas
       Sept. 11                  So. Carolina          Fayetteville
       Sept. 18                  Alabama               Tuscaloosa
       Sept. 25                  Memphis State         Little Rock
       Oct.   2                  Georgia               Athens
       Oct.   9                  Tennessee             Little Rock
       Oct.  16                  Ole Miss              Jackson
       Oct.  23   ( Open )
       Oct.  30 ( Home Coming )  Auburn                Fayetteville
       Nov.   6                  Miss State            Little Rock
       Nov.  13                  Tulsa                 Fayetteville
       Nov.  20   ( Open )
       Nov.  27                  LSU                   Baton Rouge
   -------------------------------------------------------------------
                                 Auburn

       Sept   2  ESPN            Ole Miss              Auburn
       Sept. 11                  Samford               Auburn
       Sept. 18                  LSU                   Baton Rouge
       Sept. 25                  So. Miss              Auburn
       Oct.   2                  Vanderbilt            Nashville
       Oct.   9                  Miss State            Auburn
       Oct.  16                  Florida               Auburn
       Oct.  23  ( Open )
       Oct.  30                  Arkansas              Fayetteville
       Nov.   6 ( Home Coming )  N. Mex. State         Auburn
       Nov.  13                  Georgia               Athens
       Nov.  20                  Alabama               Auburn
   ------------------------------------------------------------------�
                                 Florida

       Sept.  4                  Arkansas St.          Gainesville
       Sept. 11                  Kentucky              Lexington
       Sept. 18                  Tennessee             Gainesville
       Sept. 25  ( Open )
       Oct.   2                  LSU                   Baton Rouge
       Oct.  16                  Auburn                Auburn
       Oct.  23  ( Open )
       Oct.  30                  Georgia               Jacksonville
       Nov.   6 ( Home Coming )  SW Louisiana          Gainesville
       Nov.  13                  So. Carolina          Columbia
       Nov.  20                  Vanderbilt            Gainesville
       Nov.  27                  Fla. State            Gainesville
   -------------------------------------------------------------------
                                 Georgia

       Sept.  4                  So. Carolina          Athens
       Sept. 11                  Tennessee             Knoxville
       Sept. 18                  Texas Tech.           Athens
       Sept. 25                  Ole Miss              Oxford
       Oct.   2                  Arkansas              Athens
       Oct.   9                  So. Miss              Athens
       Oct.  16                  Vanderbilt            Nashville
       Oct.  23 ( Home Coming )  Kentucky              Athens
       Oct.  30                  Florida               Jacksonville
       Nov.   6   ( Open )
       Nov.  13                  Auburn                Athens
       Nov.  20   ( Open )
       Nov.  25    ABC           Ga. Tech              Athens
   ------------------------------------------------------------------�
                                 Kentucky

       Sept.  4                  Kent State            Lexington
       Sept. 11                  Florida               Lexington
       Sept. 18                  Indiana               Bloomington
       Sept. 23  ESPN            So. Carolina          Columbia
       Oct.   2 ( Home Coming )  Ole Miss              Lexington
       Oct.   9  ( Open )
       Oct.  16                  LSU                   Lexington
       Oct.  23                  Georgia               Athens
       Oct.  30                  Miss State            Starkville
       Nov.   6                  Vanderbilt            Nashville
       Nov.  13                  East Carolina         Lexington
       Nov.  20                  Tennessee             Lexington
   ------------------------------------------------------------------�
                                 LSU

       Sept.  4                  Texas A&M             Coll. Station
       Sept. 11                  Miss State            Starkville
       Sept. 18                  Auburn                Baton Rouge
       Sept. 25                  Tennessee             Knoxville
       Oct.   2 ( Home Coming )  Utah State            Baton Rouge
       Oct.   9                  Florida               Baton Rouge
       Oct.  16                  Kentucky              Lexington
       Oct.  23   ( Open )
       Oct.  30                  Ole Miss              Baton Rouge
       Nov.   6                  Alabama               Tuscaloosa
       Nov.  13   ( Open )
       Nov.  20                  Tulane                Baton Rouge
       Nov.  27                  Arkansas              Baton Rouge
   ------------------------------------------------------------------�
                                 Ole Miss

       Sept.  2   ESPN           Auburn                Auburn
       Sept. 11                  UT Chattanooga        Oxford
       Sept. 18                  Vanderbilt            Oxford
       Sept. 25                  Georgia               Oxford
       Oct.   2                  Kentucky              Lexington
       Oct.   9  ( Open )
       Oct.  16                  Arkansas              Jackson
       Oct.  23                  Alabama               Oxford
       Oct.  30                  LSU                   Baton Rouge
       Nov.   6                  Memphis State         Memphis
       Nov.  13 ( Home Coming )  N. Illinois           Oxford
       Nov.  20  ( Open )
       Nov.  27                  Miss State            Starkville
   ------------------------------------------------------------------�
                                 Miss State

       Sept.  4                  Memphis State         Starkville
       Sept. 11                  LSU                   Starkville
       Sept. 18   ( Open )
       Sept. 25                  Tulane                New Orleans
       Oct.   2                  Florida               Gainesville
       Oct.   9                  Auburn                Auburn
       Oct.  16                  So. Carolina          Starkville
       Oct.  23 ( Home Coming )  Arkansas St.          Starkville
       Oct.  30                  Kentucky              Starkville
       Nov.   6                  Arkansas              Little Rock
       Nov.  13                  Alabama               Tuscaloosa
       Nov.  20   ( Open )
       Nov.  27                  Ole Miss              Starkville
   ------------------------------------------------------------------�
                                 So. Carolina

       Sept.  4                  Georgia               Athens
       Sept. 11                  Arkansas              Fayetteville
       Sept. 18                  Louisiana Tech.       Columbia
       Sept. 23  ESPN            Kentucky              Columbia
       Oct.   2                  Alabama               Columbia
       Oct.   9 ( Home Coming )  E. Carolina           Columbia
       Oct.  16                  Miss State            Starkville
       Oct.  23                  Vanderbilt            Columbia
       Oct.  30                  Tennessee             Knoxville
       Nov.   6   ( Open )
       Nov.  13                  Florida               Columbia
       Nov.  20                  Clemson               Columbia
   ------------------------------------------------------------------�
                                 Tennessee

       Sept.  4                  Louisiana Tech        Knoxville
       Sept. 11                  Georgia               Knoxville
       Sept. 18                  Florida               Gainesville
       Sept. 25                  LSU                   Knoxville
       Oct.   2 ( Home Coming )  Duke                  Knoxville
       Oct.   9                  Arkansas              Little Rock
       Oct.  16                  Alabama               Legion Field
       Oct.  23   ( Open )
       Oct.  30                  So. Carolina          Knoxville
       Nov.   6                  Louisville            Knoxville
       Nov.  13   ( Open )
       Nov.  20                  Kentucky              Lexington
       Nov.  27                  Vanderbilt            Knoxville
   ------------------------------------------------------------------�
                                 Vanderbilt

       Sept.  4                  Wake Forest           Winston-Salem
       Sept. 11                  Alabama               Nashville
       Sept. 18                  Ole Miss              Oxford
       Sept. 25  ( Open )
       Oct.   2                  Auburn                Nashville
       Oct.   9                  Cincinnati            Nashville
       Oct.  16 ( Home Coming )  Georgia               Nashville
       Oct.  23                  So. Carolina          Columbia
       Oct.  30  ( Open )
       Nov.   6                  Kentucky              Nashville
       Nov.  13                  Navy                  Nashville
       Nov.  20                  Florida               Gainesville
       Nov.  27                  Tennessee             Knoxville
   ------------------------------------------------------------------�

----
   David Moss is a regular contributor to BTN who apparently likes
football.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Local Music In July
   by Judy Ranelli


Fri. 2
   INSANE JANE/FUZZY SUNS at The Nick
   It's a sad fact that many of the better Atlanta bands do not visit
our city often.  Thus I'm always pleased when one pops up, namely Insane
Jane.  Intense female singer, fine bassist, rickenbackery guitar and
thumping drums.  Fuzzy Suns is the latest incarnation of the weird
collaborations of extraordinary improv guitarist Davey Williams (of
Curlew) and member-of-strange-people-of-B'ham guitarist Mike Portero.
Don't be afraid, though: they're grrreat.
   [Editor's Note: As always, all dates and names are subject to
change, and here's an excellent example: Insane Jane cancelled their
date at The Nick, then announced their break-up, between the time this
article was written and press time.
    Of course, if they had stayed together, they also would have PLAYED
before press time, thanks to the lateness of this month's issue.]

Sun. 4
   ERIC ESSEX at On The Avenue
   For those who enjoy what I call hot tub jazz, and also for those who
enjoy seeing talented musicians who've made it outside of Birmingham.

Thurs. 8
   SHALLOW/NOGOOD BOYO/OAT PEARL
   Don't ask me about the other two; even I have no idea...  But
Shallow is quite pleasant with no aftertaste.

Fri. 9
   ANDERS OSBOURNE ORCHESTRA at Zydeco
   I admit, I have no idea about this either, but as I look at the
other choices, I would at least give this a listen outside the window
because they have "orchestra" in their name.

Sat. 10
   FIVE EIGHT at The Nick
   Such a fine band!  And sure to be packed with dancing fools.  Come
break my nose again.

Sun. 11
   BIG DIXIE/ROCKASOMETHING at The Nick
   My god, they do a cover, in japanese of course, of "Sukiyaki".  Lots
of fun.

Wed. 14
   TOPPER PRICE AND THE UPSETTERS at the Back Alley
   Topper's the man behind the fine harmonica solo on that Brother Cane
single.  Go get riotously drunk at this show, and then stagger through
the traffic on 20th street to see some Space Camp, which I've gurgled
about in here before, at Louie Louie.

Thurs. 15
   HENRI'S NOTIONS at the 22nd St. Jazz Cafe and Brewery
   A honest Irish folk song band!  At a Jazz Cafe!  I can't resist
this.

Fri. 16
   GRISTLE TWINS at The Nick
   I like them lots; they're silly, they're funny, they're catchy. They
make me happy.

Thurs. 22
   BUNKY AND TOPPER
   What?  Bunky is Topper's drummer.  A drummer and a harmonica/singer.
Strange enough to imagine alone together for me to check it out.

Sat. 24
   "SUPERSONIC SATURDAY" (hic) at the Endzone [in Tuscaloosa]
   (featuring SMOKING GUN, DT'S, SHADOW CASTE, DEAN DOLLAR, RHYTHM
    JUNCTION, SLICK LILLY, AUTUMN LORDS, FOLLOW FOR NOW, SPUNKADILLY,
    JAMES HALL BAND and the WOGGLES)
   Want to see lots of the band's I've mentiod in here plus many more I
haven't?  Why not take the trip?  I won't, but I don't need to.  Maybe
you do. Let your curiosity be your guide.

Mon. 26
   URGE/LOPPYBOGYMI at The Nick
   Loppybogymi is supposed to be excellent, but I always seem to miss
them.  Maybe writing this column will remind me.



   That's it.  Nothing screamed at me for the end of the month.
Somebody out there might have noticed this column's abscence in the June
BTN.  Be it mercy or providence, I have since found out that Scott has
the ability to meet deadlines!  Bah, I said, but it didn't sway him.

   June also happened to be the month in which the biggest musical
event of the year in Bham occurs, City Stages, but since we Ticks were
not playing it, it seems appropriate that my column not appear as well.
I did, however, stand on the Coca-Cola stage while Dionne Warwick sang
melodiously a few yards away.  Ahh.

   June seemed to be a deadly month for Birmingham bands.  Carol
Griffin quit the Sugar La Las.  Remy Zero, having been reportedly
dropped from their label, broke up amidst amplifier throwing and mad
tirades at the Nick.  Pinky the Stabber, a band I shall sorely miss,
broke up.  The Working Mothers broke up.  What is this?  Rest assured,
the Ticks thrive.  It's hard to keep bands together.  Egos clash, it's a
finacial nightmare, and there are all sorts of issues that spring up,
like alcoholism, inability to arrive on schedule, inability to kiss
butt... Yet I would hope this apparent trend will turn out to be a
coincidence.

   The Crazy Cafe is going to merge with The Projexx and re-open in
the old Club 312 on Twentieth Street.

   And finally, I have no time to review new albums/artists but I would
love it if someone would.  That is, I would read it.  Never know what to
buy these days...


----
   Judy Ranelli is a local musician and therefore knows exactly what
music is good and what music is bad.  Her band, the Ticks, received
favorable publicity in this month's issue of Black & White (page 38),
and so you know what to do next.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

BTN ProFile
   by The Bishop

-----------
  The ProFile is a light-hearted attempt at allowing the BBS community
to get to know the selected user or sysop better.  The harassees...er...
candidates for the ProFile are selected purely by random (or maybe not -
read up on 'chaos').  If anyone has any suggestions for questions to be
included in the ProFile or for users to be harassed by the ProFile, then
feel free to E-Mail them to me (The Bishop on Crunchy Frog, or Aaron
Dees on most other boards in town)...
-----------


PRO FILE:  Murphy



Age:  "For an apricot, I am old.  For a head of lettuce, even more so.
      But for a mountain, I am not yet even begun in years.  For a
      man, I am just right."

Birthplace:  Right bloody here in Birmingham

Occupation:  Student, cynic, and Discordian

My hobbies include:  Martial combat, reading volumes and volumes of
                    darn near anything, chivalry, armchair
                    psychology, writing bad Jim Morrison poetry

Years telecomputing:  Around a decade, give or take a year

Sysop, past/present/future of:  Not bloody likely.  CoSysOp of the
                               Crunchy Frog.

My oddest habit is:  Going insane at inopportune moments

My greatest unfulfilled ambition is:  To travel around the world and
                                     see all the great monuments like
                                     Stonehenge, the Parthenon, St.
                                     Peter's, Macchu Picchu, et al.

The single accomplishment of which I am most proud is:  Living this long

My favorite performers are:  The Sisters of Mercy, Fleetwood Mac,
                            Vangelis, Jimi Hendrix, The Doors,
                            Denis Leary, Sting, Anthrax, David Crosby,
                            Genesis, Styx, Dead Can Dance

The last good movie I saw was:  Reservoir Dogs

The last good book I read was:  _Jurassic Park_, by Michael Crichton

If they were making a movie of my life, I'd like to see my part played
by:  Either Denis Leary or some sort of Muppet

My pet peeves are:  90% of the people on the planet

When nobody's looking, I like to:  Meditate or fake tai chi, or spar
                                  with an imaginary opponent

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

       MUSTANG SOFTWARE INTRODUCES RIP-BASED WILDCAT! BBS

               QmodemPro COMMUNICATIONS SOFTWARE

RIP-Based Duo is Industry's First

    BAKERSFIELD, Calif., June 15, 1993 -- Mustang Software, Inc. (MSI),
the industry's only supplier of both BBS and communications software,
has introduced new versions of its WILDCAT! BBS (v3.9) and QmodemPro
communications software (v1.5) that support the new Remote Imaging
Protocol (RIP) graphical interface.

    The new software packages are the first in the industry to
integrate RIP for both the host and terminal user.

    RIP is the emerging graphical standard for the bulletin board
system (BBS) industry and introduces new graphics performance levels for
both sysops and users.  The RIP-equipped WILDCAT! v3.9 can send
full-screen graphics to callers' and lets mouse users select BBS
commands by clicking on selection buttons or screen prompts -- very much
like popular online services such as Prodigy and America Online.
WILDCAT! 3.9 still retains full support for standard text and ANSI.

    In order for a caller to access the WILDCAT! v3.9's RIP graphics,
the caller needs to use RIP-equipped Communications software such as
QmodemPro v1.5.  Like its WILDCAT! counterpart, QmodemPro v1.5 allows
callers to view full-screen graphics and use a mouse when connected to a
RIP-ready BBS.  RIP also lets the QmodemPro caller select BBS commands
by clicking on graphic selection buttons or screen prompts.

    "Adding RIP support to QmodemPro makes this new graphics level
available to the millions of WILDCAT! users," said Jim Harrer, MSI
President and CEO. "Our goal is to make QmodemPro the tool of choice for
connections to mail systems, whether it is a BBS, CompuServe, MCI or
other online services."


New WILDCAT! FAX-Send Module Gives Sysops Custom Control

    In addition to its RIP interface, WILDCAT! v3.9 now has a FAX-send
module included with the wcPRO utility package.  The FAX module allows
WILDCAT! sysops with fax modems to make text and graphics .PCX files
available to callers via the FAX.  Callers can select FAX documents
while online and have them sent to their FAX machine or to another
number.  Because accessing the FAX module is security-defined, the sysop
has total control over the FAX access feature.  The sysop has the
customizing option of making packages of FAX documents available to
different groups of callers.

    Information on the FAX cover page is entered by the caller and the
document(s) is prepared for sending by the FAX module.  The caller then
has a choice of having the requested FAXes sent after hanging up or sent
immediately over another communications port or PC on a network.

Addition WILDCAT! v3.9 features include:

    1.  A "gentle reminder" notification to the caller if BBS log-off
        is attempted before downloading all files that have been marked
        for download.

    2.  Automatic detection of a remote caller's emulation (ANSI,
        RIPscrip or Doorway) -- allowing callers to dial in over
        different terminal packages with WILDCAT! deciding "on the fly"
        which emulation is best.

    3.  Increased selections of No-color, ANSI-color, RIP or
        Auto-detect from the [Y]our settings menu.  If Autodetect is
        selected, the user gets the screen type that WILDCAT! detects
        at log-in.

QmodemPro v1.5 Continues Adding Features

    In addition to its RIP-ready interface, QmodemPro v1.5 has added
modem pool support for the NCSI/ACS network interface; the Articom
interface from LANtastic; and Rockwell's RPI modem chip interface,
adding v.42bis and MNP5 support for 2400 baud modems using the Rockwell
chip.

    "These new features, led by RIP, continue the growing
sophistication of communications software and mark another step in the
ongoing maturation process of BBS and communications software," Harrer
said.  "We expect broad market acceptance plus a new level of corporate
communications users."

    WILDCAT! v3.9 is available immediately to any WILDCAT! v3.x user
for $20 plus shipping and handling.  Standalone retail pricing begins at
$129 for a single-line version.

    QmodemPro v1.5 is available immediately at no charge for registered
QmodemPro 1.0 users and $35 for Qmodem-registered users.  For first-time
users, the retail price is $99 plus shipping and handling.

    Mustang Software, Inc. (MSI) is the leading single-source supplier
of bulletin board system (BBS) software and related communications
software, with more than 22,000 registered users of its WILDCAT! BBS
software and 80,000 registered users of its Qmodem/QmodemPro
communications software.

    MSI, formed in 1986, is headquartered in Bakersfield, Calif.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

"Anatomy of a Hoax"
Authors name changed to protect the guilty


Date line: Razerville, Ga.
          Red Neckerson's Pickup repair and "Gater" farm

An In in depth interview with Red Neckerson
RE:Memorial Day Mass-a-cree and cluster fluck


BTN:
It appears Mr. Neckerson that you have upset sysops and net
managers throughout the land, would you care to comment?

RED:
Who me? I heered some of them liberal folks got their panties
in a wad over one message, but it were thum liberals not me.

BTN:
Are you denying that you put a message in FredNet saying that
everyone should pickup 20 messages on memorial day and post
then to every net in the land, to use your words "To cause
every liberal in the land to pee their pants and have net
nazi's go in to apoplexy. It will be the grandest joke since
they elected Clinton." Do you deny sending that message?

RED:
NOPE!

BTN:
Then how do you have the audacity to blame it on liberals?

Red:
Son, you ain't from around here air ya'? I can spot thum liberal
types a mile away. The come ta the farm here in them BMW's warin'
thum Rollinex watches and tease my gaters. Then they tell me how
it's crulity......

BTN:
We are gettin off the subject here may I call you Red?

RED:
Nope, can't have no liberal newspaper type callen me by my given
name.  What paper did ya say you wuz with? Will my pixur be in it.

BTN:
Birmingham Telecommunications News run by Mark Maisel.

RED:
Mark! Hell me and him had lunch together at the Mexicam restrunt'
when he cum over fer comdex. Yep they serve the best egg drop soop

BTN:
Egg drop soup in a Mexican rest... Never mind can we get back to the
messages?

Red:
Call me Red son, Friend of Marks iz'in a friend of mine.. Oh, OK..
It went like this, I knowed that at least one of thum liberal folks
would see the message and feel that he needed to save the wurld from
ole' Red.  Shor nuff, just as God made Redman Tabacca, he grabed up
that thar message and mounted his modem and spread the wurd like
that Paul fella did. Ya know hollaring the messages iz cummin, the
messages iz cummin". Purty soon I wuz banned from every net in the
land by them folks that got them pocket protectos and taped glasses.

BTN:
Excuse me? Are you saying this all started with a single message?
And that you intentionally layed a trap for the people that spread
the messages all over the U.S.

Red:
Yup! Ain't human nature wunderful

BTN:
I have a hard time believing that you have the intelligence to
perpertrate a hoax of this magnitude. Do you really expect me to
belive it?

RED:
Belive what ya want Son, but them folks air the ones who voted fer
Clinton, that outa' tell ya sometin right thar. Don't clame to be
smart, but I got a bit of common sense.

BTN:
Well Mr. Neckerson, how do you plan to make ammends fer... hell now
you have me doing it FOR this dastardly deed?

RED:
Next memorial day I am a fixin to dump all 4000 messages I got back
into all the nets and upset em for another year. Now if they is
really upset, tell them the next time they get by Razervill Ga to
stop by the gater farm and share a bit of my sippin whisky. Hey!
tell ya what, if they mention the Great Memorial Day Mass-a cree and
cluster fluck they can see the gaters fer free.

BTN:
Thanks for your time and do you have anything to add?

RED:
Nah! except ya Un'I folks send Joe sheppard a new box of depends
and help Cam DeBuck get his panties out of a wad. Tell Maisey to
drop by again and this time leave the girl gaters alone.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

SIG's (Special Interest Groups), Computer Related
-------------------------------------------------

BIPUG                              Alabama UniForum
Birmingham IBM-PC Users Group      Homewood Public Library
UAB Nutrition Science Blg          1st Tuesday
RM 535/541                         Shawn Cleary 870-6130
1st Sunday (delayed one week
if meeting is a holiday)
Marty Schulman 967-5883

The SIG listing is being re-verified. If you know of an active
Computer Related user's group, please let me know.

I can be reached via Internet email at
[email protected] or drop me a note directly on the
MATRIX.



-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Known BBS Numbers For The Birmingham Area


Sysops, PLEASE check your listing to make sure everything is correct,
especially the networks.  Corrections should be mailed on the Matrix to
James Minton or in a Sysop Comment on Outer Limits.

Also, if anyone has any information about networks listed at the bottom
with "uncertain at press time", let me know.



NAME                    NUMBER     BAUD RATES   MODEM    BBS SOFTWARE
                                  SUPPORTED    TYPE

ADAnet One (Nodes 1-3)  854-9074   1200-2400             PCBoard 14.5
   [ez, fi, ad]
ADAnet One (Node 4)     854-5863   2400-14400   USR DS   PCBoard 14.5
   [ez, fi, ad]
Alcatraz BBS            608-0880    300-9600             VBBS 6.0
   [he, vi]
Alter-Ego BBS           925-5099   1200-9600    USR HST  PCBoard 14.5
   [ez, mn]
Asgard                  663-9171    300-9600    V.32     WWIV 4.21a
   [ez, al, te]
Baudville (Node 1)      980-1089    300-2400             Major BBS 6.10
   [none]
Baudville (Node 2)      991-2095   300-14400             Major BBS 6.10
   [none]
Baudville (Node 3)      991-9144    300-2400             Major BBS 6.10
   [none]
Baudville (Node 4)      995-0013    300-2400             Major BBS 6.10
   [none]
Bone Yard, The          631-6023    300-9600    USR HST  PCBoard 14.5
   [fi, ez]
Boy's Room              674-8117    300-2400             Wildcat! 3.55
   [none]
Bus System              987-5419    300-2400             PCBoard 14.2
   [none]
Byte Me!                979-BYTE!  2400-14400   USR HST  WWIV 4.12
   [ez, th, al]
Castle, The             841-7618    300-2400             Image 1.2
   [none]
Channel 8250 (Node 1)   744-8546   300-14400    USR DS   PCBoard 14.5
   [ez, un]
Channel 8250 (Node 2)   744-5166   300-14400    USR DS   PCBoard 14.5
   [ez, un]
Christian Apologetic    808-0763   1200-14400   V.32bis  Wildcat! 3.55
   [ez, wi, bc, ru]
Crunchy Frog (Node 1)   823-3957   300-14400    USR DS   PCBoard 14.5
   [ez, mn, lu, ll]
Crunchy Frog (Node 2)   823-3958   300-14400    USR DS   PCBoard 14.5
   [ez, mn, lu, ll]
Den, The                933-8744    300-9600    USR HST  ProLogon/ProDoor
   [ez, mn, il]
Digital Publishing      854-1660    300-9600    V.32     Wildcat! 3.01
   [pl]
Family Smorgas-Board    744-0943    300-2400             PCBoard 14.5
   [ez, fi, mj, bc, fa, ic, cf, cd, np, ag, ve, ad]
Final Frontier          838-5634   300-14400             VBBS 6.0
   [al, he]
Flip Side               798-3961    300-2400             Renegade 8.27
   [none]
Genesis Online(Nodes 1-6) 620-4150 300-14400   V.32bis   Major BBS 6.11
   [mr]
Guardian, The           425-1951  1200-14400   V.42bis  VBBS 6.0
   [vi]
Hardeman's BBS          640-6436  1200-14400             Wildcat! 3.51
   [wi, di, bc]
Hardware Hotline        631-6629   300-14400    V.32/42  PCBoard 14.5
   [none]
The Holodeck BBS        663-7229   1200-9600    V.32     TriBBS 4.02
   [cc]
Homewood's Hell Hole    870-9067  2400-14440    V.32bis  VBBS 5.6
   [he]
Intruder Enterprizes    969-0870    300-9600    V.32     VBBS 5.6
   [vi, al]
Joker's Castle          664-5589   300-14400    USR DS   PCBoard 14.5
   [ez, mn, un]
KickAxis BBS            733-0253  1200-14400    USR DS   VBBS 6.0
   [he]
Last Word               663-4721    300-2400             VBBS 6.0
   [sn]
Lemon Grove             836-1184   300-12000    V.42bis  SLBBS 3.0
   [fi, sl]
Lion's Den              969-5733   300-14400    USR DS   Wildcat! 3.60
   [none]
Lumby's Palace          520-0041   300-14400             VBBS 6.0
   [he]
Magic City              664-9883   300-14400    USR DS   Wildcat! 3.55
   [cc, di, tr, wi]
Magnolia BBS            854-6407   300-14400    USR HST  PCBoard 14.5
   [ez, mn]
MATRIX, The (Nodes 1-14)  323-2016 300-2400              PCBoard 15.0
   [ez, mn, th, il, in, al, sh, sc, gl, ic, ri, fr]
MATRIX, The (Nodes 20-23) 323-6016   9600-14400 USR DS   PCBoard 15.0
   [ez, mn, th, il, in, al, sh, sc, gl, ic, ri, fr]
MATRIX, The (Node 25-26)  458-3449  9600-14400  V.32bis  PCBoard 15.0
   [ez, mn, th, il, in, al, sh, sc, gl, ic, ri, fr]
MetaBoard               854-4814   300-14400    USR DS   Opus CBCS 1.73
   [fi, ad]
MetroMac BBS            323-6306   300-2400              TeleFinder 3.0
   [none]
Milliways (Node 1)      956-3177  1200-2400              Major BBS 6.11
   [none]
Milliways (Nodes 2-6)   956-2731  1200-2400              Major BBS 6.11
   [none]
Missing Link            853-1257   300-16800    USR DS   C-Net Amiga 2.63
   [cl, cn]
Neon Moon               477-5894   300-14400             TriBBS 4.0
   [dx]
Nirvana                 942-6702   300-14400    V.32bis  VBBS 6.0
   [al, vi, at, rp]
Optical Illusion        995-9145  1200-14400    V.32bis  VBBS 6.0
   [al]
Outer Limits (Node 1)   426-5611  1200-2400              Wildcat! 3.60
   [fi, do, er, er, pn]
Outer Limits (Node 2)   425-5871  1200-14400    USR HST  Wildcat! 3.60
   [fi, do, ec, er, pn]
Outer Limits (Node 3)   426-2939  1200-16800     ZyXEL   Wildcat! 3.60
   [fi, do, ec, er, pn]
Owlabama BBS            856-2521  1200-14400             GTPower 17.06
   [gt, ez, mn, cc, tr, sc, ab]
Owl's Nest              680-0851   300-14400    USR DS   PCBoard 14.5
   [ez, mn]
Party Line              856-1336   300-14000    V.32bis  TriBBS 4.0
   [cc, tr, di]
Penny Arcade            699-4625    300-2400             Running Force! 3.75
   [none]
Playground              681-5070  2400-14000    V.32     TriBBS 4.0
   [tr, di, cc, ez, al, fr]
Posys BBS               854-5131    300-9600    V.32     PCBoard
   [none]
Quiet Zone              833-2066    300-2400             ExpressNet
   [none]
Razor's Edge            995-0412   1200-2400             VBBS 5.6
   [he, al]
Safe Harbor (Node 1)    665-4332    300-2400             GTPower 17.06
   [gt, ez, mn, il]
Safe Harbor (Node 2)    665-4355   300-14400    USR DS   GTPower 17.06
   [gt, ez, mn, il]
Sam's Domain            956-2757  1200-14400             VBBS 6.0
   [da, he]
Safety BBS              581-2866    300-2400             RBBS-PC 17.4
   [none]
Southern Stallion       322-3816   300-16800    V.32bis  PCBoard 15.0
   [none]
Sperry BBS              853-6144    300-2400    V.32/42bis  PCBoard 14.5
   [none]
ST BBS                  836-9311    300-2400             PCBoard 14.2
   [ez]
StarBase 12             647-7184    300-2400             TriBBS 4.0
   [ez, mn, cc]
Thy Master's Dungeon    940-2116   300-57600    V.32/42bis  PCBoard 14.5
   [fr]
Torch Song              328-1517    300-9600    V.32     Wildcat 3.6
   [pr, se, st, do]
Venus BBS               424-2872    300-2400             WWIV 4.22
   [cy, te, al]
Weekends BBS            841-8583  2400-16800    USR DS   Wildcat! 3.9
   [none]
Willie's DYM (Node 1)   664-9902    300-2400             Oracomm Plus
   [or]
Willie's DYM (Node 2)   664-9903    300-2400             Oracomm Plus
   [or]
Willie's DYM (Node 3)   664-9895    300-2400             Oracomm Plus
   [or]
Willie's DYM (Node 4)   664-9896    300-2400             Oracomm Plus
   [or]
Ziggy Unix BBS          991-5696    300-1200             UNaXess
   [none]

The two-letter abbreviations you see on the line below the names of
many of the bbs' in the list signify that they are members of one or
more networks that exchange or echo mail to each other in some organized
fashion.

ad = ADAnet, an international network dedicated to the handicapped
ag = AgapeNet, a national Christian network, multi-topic
al = AlaNet, a local network, multi-topic
an = Annex Network, uncertain at press time
at = AdultNet, a national network, adult-oriented
bc = BCBNet, a local network, religion-oriented
bh = BhamTalk, a local network, multi-topic
cc = City2City, a national network, multi-topic
cd = CDN, a national Christian network for file distribution
cf = CFN, a national Christian network, multi-topic
cl = CLink, uncertain at press time
cn = CNet, multi-topic
cy = Cybernet, uncertain at press time
da = DateNet, uncertain at press time
de = DevNet, an international network for programmers and developers
di = Dixie Net, a regional network, multi-topic geared toward the south
    eastern United States
do = DoorNet, a national network for the distribution of BBS doors
ec = EchoNet, an international network, multi-topic
er = ErosNet, an international network, adult oriented, files & messages
ez = EzNet, a local IBM compatible network
fa = FamilyNet, an international network, multi-topic
fi = FidoNet, an international network, multi-topic
fr = FredNet, a regional network, political discussion
ga = GameNet, a local network, uncertain at press time
gl = GlobalLink, an international network, multi-topic
gt = GTNet, an international network, multi-topic
he = HellNet, a local network, multi-topic
ic = ICDM, an international Christian network, multi-topic
il = ILink, an international network, multi-topic
ic = Intelec, a national network, multi-topic
in = InterNet, an international network, linking businesses,
    universities, and bbs', multi-topic
ll = LlamaNet, a national network, freeform correspondence
lo = LocalNet, uncertain at press time
lu = LuciferNet, an international network, adult oriented
ma = MAXnet, a local network, connecting WWIV and VBBS systems
mj = MJCN, an international network for Messianic Jews
mn = Metronet, an international network which echoes RIME, multi-topic
mr = MajorNet, an international network, multi-topic
np = NPN, a national network for new parents
or = OraNet, a national E-mail network
pl = PlanoNet, a national network, multi-topic
pn = PoliceNet, an international network, law-enforcement only
pr = PrideNet, a local homosexually oriented network
rf = RF Net, a national network for ham radio users and hobbyists
ri = RIME, an international network, multi-topic
rb = RoboLink, a national network, multi-topic
rp = RPGnet, a local network for role-playing games
rs = RoseNet, a national network, technically oriented
ru = RushNet, a national network for Rush Limbaugh fans
sc = Science Factor Net, a national network, science and technology
    oriented
se = SEC, a regional network, homosexually oriented geared toward the
    southeastern United States
sh = Shades N Shadows Net, a national network for role-playing games
sl = SearchlightNet, a national network, multi-topic
sm = SmartNet, a national network, multi-topic
sn = ShadowNet, a national network for role-playing games
st = StudsNet, a national network, homosexually oriented
te = TECHnet, a local network, hardware and utility oriented
th = ThrobNet, an international network, adult oriented
tr = TTN, a national network, multi-topic
un = Uni'Net, an international network, multi-topic
ve = VETLink, a national network for military veterans
vi = VirtualNet, an international network, multi-topic
wi = WildNet, a national network, multi-topic
ww = WWIV-Net, an international network, multi-topic


The following boards were down or unable to be verified:

Cannibal Cafe           Castle Rock             DataLynx BBS
Dataworks               EcoBBS                  The Faction
Gamer's Online          The Headland            Highlander
Illuminatus             Infinite Probability    Lion & Unicorn


Once again, if you notice any mistakes or items that need to be
updated/changed, please let me know.