Table Of Contents
-----------------
Article Title Author
Policy Statement and Disclaimer................Staff
Publisher's Corner.............................Mark Maisel
Review: Speed 1.0.............................Eric Hunt
The Reality of (my) Life.......................Shawn Trucks
Review: Jabber 1.01...........................Patrick Grote
Notes From The Trenches........................Dean Costello
The Adventures of R.G. Strangemind & Herbert...Jeremy Lewis
Special Interest Groups (SIGs).................Barry Bowden
Known BBS Numbers..............................Staff
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I don't have any earth shattering news right now. I would
like to thank Bob and Doug for the roast. In all honesty, I
had absolutely no idea how it would go over, and was a bit
concerned that it might not work. I was very wrong. 45
people demonstrated it quite clearly. Everyone I've spoken
to since has said that they had a grand time, myself
included. Yes, I do speak to myself, and sometimes I say
the darnedest things. Anyway, I'd like to congratulate them
for coming up with an idea, planning and enacting it, and
having it be an incredible success. MM
The bbs list is as accurate as I can manage it, given my
other obligations. If you observe any inaccuracy or missing
information, please drop me a note in any EZNet conference.
The message may take a few days to get to me, but I'll get
it. Thanks. MM
Have you ever noticed how some folks keep their PC's? What I mean
is, the way they install, use, or not use software, and their
configurations too. I've been sitting here, relaxing, and looking over
the system of a friend; no, I won't say who it is as I don't want to
embarrass anyone. I've nearly always been rather production minded in
regards to my computers, especially the IBM compatibles. Way back when,
when I had a VIC-20, and it was a fairly new fad for the average
American to purchase a micro-computer, I, like most everyone I've ever
known to get into it, grabbed every piece of software for my machine as
I could locate. I kept it all too. Used the computer to inventory it,
hahahaha! Most of it never got used, and was not in my line of interests
anyway. Why did I hoard it and lust for it so? Good question, if I do
say so myself. Others do the same thing. It continues to happen every
day.
As I was saying, this computer I'm checking out, has more "mess" on
it than I can shake a stick at, as the saying goes. There are multiple
copies/versions of nearly every piece of software on the poor thing. The
HD is nearly full of redundant stuff, and the real pity of it is, that
the owner never uses, at least regularly, 95% of the software on the
machine. I was horrified to find out, naive me, that he didn't even know
how to use the vast bulk of it. I was trying to help him fix some
problems and we waded through stuff that has been on the HD for a year
or more, and he hadn't the slightest idea how to use more than one or
two replacement commands from a DOS enhancement package. I really
shouldn't be surprised. I am a consultant, when need and the proper
amount of $$$ arise. I see this sort of thing, and worse, all the time.
Why does it sting me so to see it? Most people, at least Americans,
don't like to be perceived as being ignorant of something as trendy and
today as computers. You can't be an expert at everything, no matter how
hard you try. Could Albert Einstein wrestle? Could Ghengis Khan solve
the riddles of the universe? Of course not, and not everyone is going
to be a computer user extraordinaire. Much of it can be forgiven, but I
cannot understand the notion of collecting, hoarding, and trading
software, even the good ole legally tradable shareware and public domain
titles. I download or otherwise acquire new software from time to time.
I check it out for reviews in BTN, for client recommendation, or for my
own use. I have staples that I use for my daily computing needs; a text
editor, word processor, terminal software, mail reader, compression
utility, and DOS shell. I have database software and some other stuff,
but they don't get used nearly as often as the former. I keep the few
things I need infrequently either stowed in compressed format or on a
floppy diskette, ready to be retrieved and used as need arises. Who, in
their right mind, needs two versions of Word Perfect, two of Lotus
1-2-3, and a few copies of Quattro, several DOS shells, none of which
are ever used, a handful of database programs, and two versions of
Procomm, one of which that is so out of date, that it doesn't even
properly support the modem this fellow owns???
I am confused. I am frustrated. This fellow is a known pack rat.
He does this with everything of interest to him, be it hobby or job
related. There are others who are not so bad in life except when it
comes to software. Why have it around if you aren't going to use it? I
know of a couple who have a room that is pretty much dedicated as their
software collection. There are shelves of purchased commercial and
shareware products, much to their credit, plus boxes and more boxes of
disks, filled with every sort of software you can imagine. I asked,
once, why they keep it all. I was told that you never know when someone
may want a copy of some program from 1983, and by gum, they'll be ready
with it when it happens. Its a life, I suppose. They have this complex
cataloging system that would do the Library of Congress proud, and can
find anything pretty quickly. I've tested them and know it to be true.
Is there something to be said in the positive on software hoarding? I
can't find it, save repositories such as those who sell disks with
shareware and public domain stuff. They are excellent clearing houses
who have an obvious business interest. Another reasonable excuse for
this behavior is the bbs. Sysops often have huge collections of
software for their users to peruse that act as an attractant to users.
This is also understandable, especially if the sysop runs the bbs for
profit.
There are variations on hoarding. I know of many who only want the
latest and greatest and become extremely insulted and insulting if you
offer something else. There are also specialists. These folks collect
all of a certain kind of software, sometimes they branch out to more
than one kind, but limit themselves still, which separates them from the
general collectors. Why only have one word processor when you can have
twenty? Never mind that the time required to learn twenty different
command sets would eat up any time and resolve to do any useful writing.
Of course, who wants or needs to learn the packages. They are only
objects to be collected. Digital butterflies to be collected and pinned
to a board for display.
Perhaps I'm the odd man out. I know many more folks who keep
spareware around the house than don't, that is, among my computer owning
acquaintances.
Offline mail readers have been around for several years now, and
their novelty and newness is wearing off. From the original two or three
readers to today's dozens of them, generally there has been room for
improvement, room for distinct innovation. SPEED Read provides that
improvement and innovation. Based upon what is commonly called the
'database style' mail reader, SPEED Read provides all the flexibility
and power that one can expect from a traditional offline mail reader,
while adding the capability to archive, or 'database,' entire message
bases from reading session to reading session. One can now maintain an
entire collection of messages from a particular conference and have them
accessible at the touch of a key. SPEED Read has a proven capacity of
between 3000 and 4000 messages, depending on local system
configurations. That's a lot of messages, folks!
Installing SPEED Read is very easy. After typing in the random 5
digit 'unregistered' code, you are presented with a short configuration
screen that allows you to tell SPEED where to look for incoming .QWKs,
where to place outgoing .REPs, what editor/command line combination to
use, various utility programs you might wish to use, all the basics for
getting any mail reader started.
Opening and reading a packet is as simple as selecting the BBS with
waiting mail in it and pressing <enter.> From there, SPEED unzips the
QWK, and builds the new BBS database. That takes a short while, and
SPEED even has logic to detect if you have multiple packets from the
same BBS waiting on you (i.e. BBS.QWK BBS.QW0 BBS.QW1). Then you are
presented with a list of conferences. At first I found the conference
list quite daunting, as ALL conferences are displayed, regardless of
whether they have mail or not. But a quick press of F1, and I'm
introduced to one of SPEED Read's strongest points: Extensive
context-sensitive online help. In fact, I am told that the entire
written manual for SPEED was developed primarily from the online help
screens, they're that good. Help tells me that there are various easy to
use keystrokes that will move me around in the conference area listing.
No more anxiety. Conferences can be added/dropped from the main
conference area listing. However, the QMAIL 4.0 add/drop commands are
not supported directly, you'll have to generate those messages by hand.
While every reader has it's differences, the largest of all is the
placement of keys to move around a message base. Every reader I've used
has a different layout. With that said, SPEED Read has the standard
controls for moving around a message base, with special keys to mark
individual messages to either be KEPT no matter what, or KILLED no
matter what in the message database. While reading messages, ANSI
messages can be displayed on screen, but the ANSI support is NOT
internal, ANSI.SYS or compatible device driver must be present in your
config.sys. This is not a drawback, however, as internal ANSI support
would unnecessarily bloat the code for SPEED. And messages can be saved
to text files for use elsewhere. The message header is also included on
messages saved to disk (outside of the database, in other words.)
SPEED Read can be configured to bring up the reply information
dialogue box before, after, or before and after you write the reply. I
have mine setup to show the box after I reply, but you can change it to
whatever you like. Another strong point of SPEED Read is evident in the
reply info dialogue: Picklists. Picklists allow you to press a key, and
have a listing of possible values for that particular entry field be
displayed. Taglines, TO:, FROM:, CONF#, all have picklists. They are
very powerful, and very handy. You can 'tell' the TO: picklist to keep a
list of commonly used TO: names that are persistent from session to
session. And moving a reply to a message from one conference to another
is as easy as popping up the conference picklist and selecting the
conference you wish to move the reply. Searching for
taglines/conferences is also very easy using the picklists.
The support for long messages in SPEED is mixed. Users can enter
long messages, and SPEED will break them into neat, nice, 100 line
chunks as multiple messages. If you need to re-edit a long message, the
split messages are invisibly recombined behind the scenes, and you are
presented with the original message again. However, if you download a
message more than 100 lines, SPEED will only display the first 100.
RIME routing in SPEED is present, and done very well. The default
is to insert the routing code on ALL RIME replies, which is nice, since
deleting it takes one keystroke in the editor. What's even better is
that a LONG (100+ line) routed message has the routing code inserted on
EACH INDIVIDUAL part of the message, a godsend for those sending long
messages on RIME.
Taglines are handled exceptionally well by SPEED Read. The user can
have any number of different tagline 'files,' each containing 100 tags.
Switching between tag files is painless. SPEED also fully supports the
add-in tagline manager, John Hancock II. Stealing tags is a breeze. Hit
't' while reading a message, and SPEED looks in the proper place for the
tag. If you like what it thinks the tag is, fine. If you don't, you can
scroll through EACH LINE of the message, stealing any line in the
message you wish. Extremely powerful for those people with lists of tags
inside messages, or those that don't use standard style readers.
Keeping the message base up to date has been a problem with other
database .QWK readers. SPEED Read has taken steps to minimize this
problem. First of all, you can tell the reader how many old messages to
retain in a conference. The default is 50, but that can be changed to
whatever number you wish. I have some of the technical conferences set
to 500 old messages, some of the chitchat to 100, and some of the 'I'm
just glancing at it' conferences to retain *0* messages. Yep, that's
right, you can tell SPEED not to keep any messages in a conference from
session to session. In fact, you can effectively turn SPEED Read into a
'.QWK-at-a-time' reader by setting ALL the keep old's to Zero. Handy.
And if you're so inclined, you can set all conference keep old messages
to one number with one keystroke. Purging (deleting the oldest messages
as they get moved past the keep old number) is done automatically each
time a new packet is imported, but can be done manually. The auto-purge
is nice, you never have to worry about the message base growing out of
hand. Also, the message bases can be stored in either compressed or
uncompressed state. This is VERY nice for those out there with smaller
hard disks. The compression is done with PKZIP, and is automatic, just
say the word, and SPEED does it. Finally, SPEED has detection routines
to prevent you from losing unsaved replies in the even of a power
failure, system crash, etc. This feature has saved me several times!
While I could go on and on about the good things in SPEED Read,
there are some little annoyances. First of them is ironically the name!
SPEED is not a speed demon when compared to traditional QWK-at-a-time
readers. HOWEVER, when you evaluate the fact that an entire message
database is being kept, SPEED works pretty darn fast! The importing of
new messages into the conferences at the start of a session can become
slow, even on my 386sx, as the number of old messages retained
increases. Another minor annoyance is the lack of huge tagline support.
Instead of unlimited numbers of 100 tag tagline files, 1 file containing
unlimited tags would be better. QMAIL 4.0 ADD/DROP would be nice, in
addition to the current MarkMail style add/drop. SPEED Read does not
allow anyone, not even registered users, to completely suppress the
generation of taglines, including the SPEED stamp. This primarily
prevents users with registration numbers from posting in conferences
where their identity is best left unknown, such as the 12-step, or
Recovery conferences. Threading and sorting in this release is also a
bit weak, but I personally prefer to read messages in a straight line,
like the old days, so that doesn't bother me much. And finally, an
option for including the message header in the text of a reply is
needed, so that absentminded people like me can still remember who they
are writing a reply to!
The author of SPEED Read, Jim Smith, has directly addressed every
concern I have above except the complete removal of all traces of a
tagline and stated that the rest are slated to be fixed/added in a
'future version.' In addition, Jim has gone above and beyond the call of
duty in providing product support for this offline mail reader. He has
his own product support conference on the U'NI-net/US echomail network,
and is active in the SHAREWARE and OFFLINE conferences of many other
nets, including RIME, ILINK, U'NI, and soon FidoNet. Product Support is
another gem SPEED Read can add to its hat. Another kudo for Jim is his
decision to allow give ALL REGISTERED USERS of SPEED the chance to beta
test new releases of the software as he writes them. Currently, version
1.10 is being pounded out of the compiler, and registered users now have
access to fixes of some of the problems I detailed above, and additional
features, like auto-import of .QWKs from the command line (great for
batch files), enhanced threading and sorting options, and more.
In short, SPEED Read is an innovative product in a sometimes
stagnant shareware marketplace, and has an extremely bright future ahead
of it. SPEED is easy enough for beginners and powerful enough for the
old pro's. The database of messages can prove invaluable to many people,
and makes life easier for those on erratic schedules. Registration for
SPEED Read is $25, a *very* competitive price in light of an extensive
feature list.
The Reality of (my) Life
An Equally Hopeless Sequel
by Shawn Trucks
I don't know exactly what it is, but I seem to be coming to some as
of yet undisclosed point in my life and if things don't change
drastically, and soon, I feel it will be a point from which I don't
return. As melodramatic as that sounds, I honestly believe it to be the
truth. And more so now than ever before, due to the warm response I
received from certain individuals because of my previous article, (See
BTN043) even though nothing I said in that article was the least bit
untrue. I don't even really know why (small fib) that I feel this way. I
don't seem to be any more depressed (bigger fib) than I normally would
be, and I honestly believe everything will work out okay. (Blatant lie!)
Depression is a sneaky thing. Maybe after a time it just builds and
builds until it is either resolved through some sort of release, which I
have yet to find, or eventually culminates in a self destructive act of
desperation.
My emotions are in a maelstrom of turmoil; At times I seem to be
almost apathetic. Other times I just start to cry with seemingly no
provocation whatsoever. Which is not to imply that I don't know the
*reasons* for the tears. I know them all too well. They weigh on my heart
like a ton of lead, and anything I do or say to try and resolve them only
seems to add more weight. But there's no point in going into the reasons,
that was the previous article. And then of course there are the very
brief moments of semi-happiness that only serve to make the moments of
despair all the more painful when they've returned. Semi-happiness is
probably too strong a word also. It would probably be more truthful to
say that sometimes my mind is temporarily occupied with something else,
so I don't think about how hopeless everything is. Then seconds later
when I come to my senses, as it were, it all washes back down on me like
a tidal wave. And so the cycle continues. Instability is the foundation
of my life, it would seem.
What makes it all the more worse is the fact that I always seem to
alienate and turn the people I care about against me. I can't even talk
to some of my friends on the phone without inadvertently saying
something to either make them angry or hurt their feelings. It's no
wonder they don't call as often as at one time. One of my good friends,
Crystal has called a lot lately, but she recently separated from her
boyfriend so I imagine it's because she's depressed and needs to talk.
Another friend, who usually calls several times every day, hasn't called
for quite awhile, but I would guess that's because she's pissed off
because I refused to call this guy for her with whom she's been cheating
on her husband. What a fucking soap opera huh? So occasionally I hurt
someone's feelings, but it's never on purpose. I've never wanted to hurt
anyone in the least, but it seems that's the only thing I'm really good
at. Too bad there aren't any good career opportunities in it. So many
times I have wanted to do them all and myself a big favor and just
disappear from their lives forever.
I guess an excellent case in point would be the way I've turned the
one person I ever truly loved against me. During the times we spent
together, I never would have believed I could have caused her to feel
about me the way she apparently does now. But I guess I should never
underestimate my ability to take a good thing and turn it to shit. It's
pretty damned funny actually, that the one thing she could do that would
really hurt me would simply be to dislike me. She holds the key. All she
has to do now is turn it. Maybe if she's reading this it will make her
happy to know that, but I don't think so. I don't believe it was ever
her intention to hurt me, just as it was never my intention to hurt her.
Sometimes things just get out of hand. And now things have escalated to
the point where I can't even remember when everything first started to
go downhill. But I guess it doesn't really matter how things come to be.
It doesn't matter how much two people once cared for each other. All
that matters is the end product. The past exists only in memories... And
how soon we seem to forget.
Unfortunately, this article is not going to end on a somewhat
optimistic note like the last one did. Try as I might, I just couldn't
think of any last minute sugar-coated message of hope to close with this
time. As far as I can see right now, there *is* no light at the end of
the tunnel and the dark just keeps getting darker. Of course I can't
blame anyone but myself for the way things have turned out. I've tried
to reconcile the situation, but it always ends up back-firing. It would
seem then that the obvious solution would be: Stop trying! Nothing I say
or do is ever good enough for anyone anyway. Just give up and chalk the
whole thing up as a lesson in futility. And who knows? Maybe if I'm
lucky, this article will stir up a little more controversy and perhaps
even some more hate mail like the last one did. Although hopefully it
will be a little more original this time, and a lot less anonymous also.
Trust me people, insults are a lot more effective if they come with a
NAME. All those interested in joining in the fun, get your tickets now;
I'm sure the Dante Bash-Wagon will be comin' round again soon enough.
Review: Jabber 1.01 (offline mail reader)
by Patrick Grote
PROGRAM: Jabber Version 1.01
AUTHOR: Marcos Della and Shad Muegge
Della and Muegge Enterprises
Post Office Box 4251
Santa Rosa, CA 95402
RELEASED: November 25, 1991
REGISTRATION: $15.00 ($10.00 for students and seniors)
RESTRICTIONS: None
RATING: 6.9 out of 10
NAME/SIZE: JABR101.ZIP, 101k
The evolution of the QWK standard for mail reading has been
amazing. We have witnessed the market exploding from two reader (Qmail
Deluxe and EZ Reader) to over 10 (SLIMER, KingQWK, and Speed among
others.) The typical shareware rule of thumb has taken over when
applied to each category of software it has affected. Mail readers are
no different.
One of the later entries into the race was a reader called Babble.
Babble has been renamed to Jabber, which is the subject of this review.
Jabber is written by two people who are members of the "Association
of Babble Fish Programmers." The documentation is roughly 30 pages in
length and is extremely general. Without the aid of previous experience
in the shareware market, users may be confused as to the purpose and
scope of the configuration file setup, specifically the color selection.
When you first run Jabber, you are placed in the internal editor to
modify the configuration file. Straight out of the {COMMO} school of
configuration, the file contains variables scattered about between {}s
that may have to be changed by the user. {COMMO} users will feel right
at home, but people who have no experience with the {} method of
configuration may shy away.
When you are editing the configuration file, you become pretty good
friends with the internal editor. As with most internal editors,
Jabber's is quick and efficient, but lacks any advanced commands. A
good example concerns the Control Q, Control A keystrokes which allow
you to search and replace a phrase. Upon finding and changing the first
phrase, the editor stops looking until you hit Control L to continue.
Throughout the message reading, though, the editor does a decent job of
allowing you to reply. Standard WordStar keystrokes are used.
The second screen you will see is the QWK file control screen.
Jabber renames your QWK packets to CHANNEL1.111 where it used to be
CHANNEL1.QWK. There is no information available on the packet past the
filename. You cannot see the date, time or size of the file, nor what
archive method was used. This could definitely lead to problems if you
are trying to sort through 10 or so packets.
When you select a file to read, Jabber kicks into full force. It
will unarchive your packet and start you off reading mail with your
personal messages. The first thing you notice about the reader screen
is that the colors appear to have been picked by a blind, color blind
fish. Luckily, these can be toned down in the configuration file.
Jabber never really follows the path of other readers. When you
start reading mail, the familiar I or INSERT command now enters a new
message. In most readers it allows you to view a thumbnail sketch of the
conference. Likewise, Jabber only lets you see the conferences that you
have mail in. Others, with no mail, are not shown. This can hamper
offline configuration of your mail packets.
As you read mail, you can try out several of the more useful
features of Jabber. The first to catch your eye should be the LOGGING
function. By invoking this the messages that you tag are logged to a
disk file, in addition to the replies you send.
The next useful feature is the ability to view the News, Welcome,
Goodbye and Files files from inside the message base. You can tell
which of these files are included in the mail packet via a display.
The last pleasantry that you will notice is the amazing control you
will have over ANSI screens. Jabber allows you to play the screens back
slowly, like you were logged onto a BBS, or as if you were TYPING them
out. You can even enter a millisecond delay in the configuration file.
Replying to mail is fairly straight forward. I was disappointed by
the lack of an easy facility for modifying your replies before they are
archived. You can configure the reader to reply in the PCRelayNet or
Fido format, if necessary. Auto routing is not supported, nor is the
ability to bulk mark messages for saving.
As you draw your replies to a close, you may come across a neat
idea in mail sending: semi-private mail on a public network. How is
this accomplished? Hit the / key to invoke the ROT13 encryption method.
This is an extremely simple method of switching the first thirteen
characters of the alphabet with the last 13. This is not fool proof,
but a very nice way of keeping messages to Jabber users.
In summary, Jabber is a good start to a untypical reader. It has
alot of features that are needed in other readers, but then again it
lacks very basic features such as bulk marking and packet information.
In the late 70s/early 80s, 7Up was referred to as the "uncola." We can
define Jabber as the "unreader."
"You know, after a long day of selling widgets, nothing's better than
stopping in at a Hotel 6..."
-Tom Bodet
Some of you probably know by now that I have been on the road for
the last nine weeks. Kind of intriguing, but there are bad parts to not
having a home to call your own. As a result, this month's column is
about the trials and tribulations of being on the road.
There are some bad things about the road, including:
-Waking up in the middle of the night, and not knowing what city you are
in. Or, for that matter, why the bed is weird. Very disconcerting...
-Coming home to mounds of mail.
-As a function of the above, the editing by either the U.S.P.S. or by
the management of the apartments of the backed-up mail, so I lose
bills, and a goodly part of my mail. I haven't seen a "Newsweek" in 2
months, or a "Rolling Stone" since July.
-As a function of the above, finding your phone and cable cut off when
you get home since you never received the bills that they are cutting
you off for.
-Discovering that you forgot to empty the garbage before you left.
-Discovering that you forgot to start the dishwasher before you left.
-Discovering that you forgot to turn off the air conditioner
before you left.
-Thinking about just leaving the damned cable disconnected since you
ain't around to use it anyway, or at least that's what you think on
Monday when you leave, but on Friday when you return you discover that
cable is very essential; even though it costs $45 a month, thus working
out to about $12.00 a day for being home.
-Wondering why a U.S. Secret Service agent came by to leave a "Please
Call Us" note on your door.
-Restaurants in a town with few restaurants, especially Chinese places.
-Having to call long distance for anything.
-Lack of computer when hands are hurting from arthritis.
-Having to fill out expense reports.
-Having to fax time sheets to the head office.
-No entertainment in this town.
But being on the road isn't a complete bite in the bag. There are
a few good things, including:
-Per diem. This is a very cool concept. Depending on what city you are
in, you get a specific amount of money per day to handle food, tips,
etc., and the town I'm in allows me to charge $26/day. But I can eat
comfortably here for $10-15 a day, so I get to keep the difference. No
shit, perfectly legal, its the way my company handles this. Its great.
-Away from office. Being in the office is nice, for about 6 hours, but
then it becomes yucky.
-Away from home. You can duck the bill collectors.
-Get a rental car. No Fiero for me, by God.
Oh well, these things happen. But the important thing is that I
feel like I am making a difference, which is good, I guess. It keeps me
warm at night, which due to my being high in the Blue Ridge Mountains is
pretty bloody important.
"Those that know what's best for us,
Must try and save us from ourselves..."
-Neil Peart
"Religion is the opiate of the masses."
-Karl Marx
"Uh-OH! I smells trubba!
CHRISTIANS comin' up!"
-Frank Zappa
And this leads me to something else, as I think of it. Remember
that friend of mine that turned Christian a couple of months ago, the
one that had the same background as I did, yet became One Of Them, and I
was very concerned, since if it could happen to Brian, it could happen
to me? You don't? Oh well, pay attention then. I was talking to him
a couple of nights ago, and I noticed something interesting, in that he
is using several different tactics to try and convert me to his brand of
icon worship. One of the tactics is:
How Can You Not Believe in Jesus?
Very simply put, he attacked my, well, disbelief. He assumed that
my unbelief was fairly spurious, and was then surprised to find out that
I really spent time on determining my beliefs. Poor child discovered
that I was, as I express it, an educated heathen when it comes to things
eschatological. Yes, there was a person who was probably cruicified on
a cross (along with several thousand other terrorists of the time.
Remember, crucifixtion was not the way Rome executed any criminal, but
was the way that one took care of terrorists and such (remember
"Spartacus"?)), but was he a messiah? Who can say. The original
meaning of 'messiah' was "Annointed One". There have been many
Messiahs, including David and his successors (Solomon, etc.). Messiah
means a SECULAR king, no more. Oh well. Anyway, the next attempt was:
Flattery Can Get You Anywhere!
This was an evilly seductive method, at least towards me. You see,
I crave flattery. Anyone that says the simplest words of praise will
have me for a slave for an awful long time. I was taught as I was
growing up to drive any good comments away with a stick. "Good speach,
Dean." No it wasn't. I talked too long, and didn't even know what was
going on towards the end. I fidgeted too much, and was awfully boring.
"Good job, Dean". I could have done a lot better. It was slipshod, and
I didn't take much care in its completion. You should have had someone
else that knew what they were doing take care of the project. Besides, I
don't want flattery, I want worship. Screw the "Thank you", I want to
say, "No, my subjects, arise and look your Sun God in the face".
Anyway, he leads off with, "You know, as intelligent as you are,
and with the amount of facts and such, plus your analytical ability, you
would be one of the finest Christians around, especially with teaching
the Word to others, answering questions, things like that." Ooooh, this
was a low blow. Fortunately, though, I was intelligent enough <oh yeah>
to see through the praise to spot Evil Intents. Not to mention that he
had the subtlety of a Panzer division going through the Ardennes.
The final one that I have run into is:
Why Aren't You Dead?
Yes, why aren't I dead. This one was a strange method, I felt. It
opened up with "How can you be happy without God?" and ran the gauntlet
to "With the despair that you must feel without God, why haven't you
killed yourself?" to "What's it like not having any meaning to your
life?"
I'm not really sure how to respond to such questions. I would
argue it is a lot like going up to, say, Sir Alec Guiness and asking him
what its like to be a knight. Kind of a pointless question, when all is
said and done. Or saying, "What's beyond the universe?" to Stephen
Hawking. I have noticed that Christians like asking questions that
cannot be answered, and using it to substantiate the presence of God.
Alas, we each have our own delusions. I just like to think that my
delusions at least have a basis in rationale thought.
One last thing. For those of you that have been tracking my will,
it is all done. I have decided that instead of specifying to specific
people what I would like them to have, we are instead going to have
gladitorial combat. The winner gets her/his choice of
stuff/bux/posters/whatever. Second place gets second choice, etc., etc.
So, if you want to be considered for The Games, please let me, or my
executor Chris Mohney, know so you can be placed in the combat listings.
"I have noticed that whenever people get in Trouble, they
oftentimes turn to religion, usually in order to get a reduced
sentence from the jury. That's how you can tell that I am having
real problems..."
- Hunter S. Thompson
The Adventures of R.G. Strangemind and Herbert
by Jeremy Lewis
Copyright 1991,92 by Jeremy Lewis
no reprints without the permission of the author
Part XI
"Eh," mumbled Emperor Splort, shaken out of his delirium by the
intercomm. "WHAT?!?!?"
"Sir," stammered the voice on the intercomm,"You keep killing all
the stewards we send to your cabin."
"So!" Splort bellowed back, not seeing the relevancy of the voice's
statement.
"How do you expect us to deliver a message that doesn't anger you
if you kill the messangers and ignore our comm messages?" Comes to
think of it, realized The Emperor, he hadn't been paying attention to
the steward's pitiful pleas and until now he hadn't paid any attention
to the intercomm whatsoever.
"What do you have to report?"
"Well, sir, As I've been trying to explain, we've spotted Slob's
ship."
The Emperor was happy.
"R.G.?" called Herbert, "Where are you? I'm getting tired of
looking for you." Herbert was in a terrible fix he couldn't find R.G.
and no matter how he tried, he could find no one to help him.
"Oh, please" yelled Herbert,"won't somebody help me?"
"Yes?" responded a pleasant, but artificial male voice,"How may I
aid you, Herbert?"
"Huh?"
"Elegant to the last, sir." spoke the computer,"I see you are
getting the hang of astral travel."
"Who are you?", herbert finally thought to ask.
"I am the Ship's Computer. I stated that if I was needed all one
had to do was call my name and I would reactivate, obviously you are
aware of this and that is why you called me. Since, however you don't
seem to need my help...Oh yes, and R.G. Strangemind is lying senseless
of deck five while an alien ship is approaching on the starboard bow.
Good day."
Herbert shrugged and began looking for R.G. again. He passed a
flight of stairs marked "Level Six", but not having much a feel for
reading ignored it as gibberish and began walking up the stairs to level
seven.
"WHERE IS TOATUS????" yelled and irrational voice.
"As I told you, sir", responded a much more sensible voice,"I can
no longer sense him."
"BUT HE WAS JUST THERE!!!!"
"Maybe he is asleep, sir." suggested the reasonable voice.
"SUPER-BEINGS DO NOT SLEEP!!!"
"Of course, sir.", responded the calm voice. "Perhaps you have a
better explanation."
"YES! He's obviously gone to sleep. Look for him." "Of course,
sir."
SIG's (Special Interest Groups), Computer Related
-------------------------------------------------
BEPCUG CCS
Birmingham East PC Users Group Commodore Club South
Jefferson Sate Jr. College Springville Road Library
Ruby Carson Hall, Rm 114 2nd & 4th Tuesday (C64/C128)
3rd Friday, 7-9 PM 3rd Monday (Amiga)
Paula Ballard 251-6058 (after 5PM) 7:30-10 PM
BCCC BIPUG
Birmingham Commodore Computer Club Birmingham IBM-PC Users Group
POB 59564 UAB Nutrition Science Blg
Birmingham, Al 35259 RM 535/541
UAB School of Education, Rm 153 1st Sunday (delayed one week
2nd and 4th Sundays, 2 PM if meeting is a holiday)
Rusty Hargett 854-5172 Marty Schulman 967-5883
BACE FAOUG
Birmingham Atari Computer First Alabama Osborne Users
Enthusiast Group
Vestavia Library, downstairs Homewood Library
2nd Monday, 7 PM 1st Saturday, 1PM
Benny Brown 822-5059 Ed Purquez 669-5200
CADUB
CAD Users of Birmingham
Homewood Library
3rd Tuesday, 6:30PM-8:30PM
Bobby Benson 791-0426
SIG's, Non-Computer Related
---------------------------
BBC Birmingham Astronomy Club
Blue Box Companions Subject: Astronomy
Subject: Dr. Who Red Mountain Museum Annex
Hoover Library 4th Tuesday, 7:30PM
1st Saturday, 2PM-5PM
If you belong to or know of a user group that is not listed,
please let us know by sending E-Mail to Barry Bowden on
The Matrix BBS.
The many symbols you see prior to the names of many of the bbs' in the
list signify that they are members of one or more networks that exchange
or echo mail to each other in some organized fashion.
1 = EzNet, a local IBM compatible network
2 = FidoNet, an international network, multi-topic
3 = Metrolink, an international network, multi-topic
4 = WWIV-Net, an international network, multi-topic
5 = Intellec, an international network, multi-topic
6 = Uni'Net, an international network, multi-topic
7 = ThrobNet, an international network, adult oriented
8 = ILink, an international network, multi-topic
9 = ADAnet, an international network dedicated to the handicapped
0 = USNetMail, a national network, multi-topic
- = RIME, an international network, multi-topic
= = TcNet, not certain at publication time
! = RF-Net, a national network, dedicated to amateur radio
@ = 93Net, a national network, dedicated to the occult
# = GTNet, a national network, multi-topic
If you have any corrections, additions, deletions, etc., please let us
know via EzNet.
