Till Death Do Ye Part
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Well another Anarchists Anonymous text coming at ya, hopefully you'll enjoy
this as much as I will writing it. The thought came to me that no one had ever
really wrote a text on professional killing. So we took it upon ourselves to
write one!!! I hope this helps you get rid of that asshole in school, or
whatever. Well enough shit from me...on with the death!!!
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1. Guns are always the most common (and the most boring) ways to kill someone
so I'll get it out of the way, shoot the fucker!!
2. A little chlorine in his coffee sure wouldn't be to good. Unfortuanetly (I
believe) the amount we want (enuff to kill him) would discolour the coffee. So
just add it in gradually....cup by cup by cup....
3. I've been known to venture (alot) into the world of bombs. Now we all know
who will be blamed for a car bomb...la familla!!! Also pipe bombs are good. And
a time bomb is also good for....1 pm (the thirteenth hour) on friday the 13th!!
4. Dropping a brick from the top of a building in my town (Toronto) would
definetly kill a man. And wouldn't you know it....Toronto's got the largest
free standing building in the world today!!!
5. Setting a guy on fire isn't as hard as it sounds. A little black powder
in someones backpack sure will help. What you do is get some black powder and
fill up a plastic container half full with the stuff. Next fill the rest of it
up with wooden match heads and the heads of sparklers (adds to the effect).
Remember that a little gasoline to coat the match heads wouldn't hurt. Now pack
them all in VERY tightly and seal the lid. This should ignite with a nice
jolt (sorry did I bump into you???) and set him on fire. Usually he won't notice
until he's a light!!!
6. Alright, slow death is my personall favourite. What the greeks used to do is
they would cut a bit of a person off (his arm for example), then they would
tie him (tightly) to a tree in the forest. Finally they would leave a trail of
raw meat to the guy. This will usually draw animals such as wolves in a half
decent forest. This is one of the most painfull ways to die...being eaten alive
by wolves!!! Also the things you could cut off of him....circumsizion anyone??
7. Drownding is also a horrible way to die. You could always tie rocks to him
and throw him in someones pool (I wouldn't reccomend yours). However it's just
a little to easy. What if you put the pool cover...no what if you stole some
pool covers and put three pool covers on the pool. Now put a few buckets of
water on top of the cover and voila...He won't be able to lift up three covers
and the water on top should make quite a difference.
8. You could sacrifice him, just like Jesus...he always thought he was sooo cool
well lets prove to him that we think he's a god...and we'll treat him that way.
Imagine ttying him to a cross in the middle of nowhere and soaking it in oil.
With one flame he could be alight...
9. You've all seen Robin Hood prince of thieves well imagine killing him with a
spoon!!! Gutting him out sure would be funny and then delivering his internals
to his parents!!!
10. Well, you've got all these tools from the Sabouteurs Survival Guide and you
need to put them to use. Well lets see, you could beat him to death with a
wrench or crowbar. I think making a collection of all the teeeth in his mouth
sure would be a cool hobby!!!
11. If you can get ahold of some live bees, why not kill him with them. If you
put bees inside his pop can and he swallows them, there's a VERY good chance
he'll die!!! Even putting a can of orange pop by a bees nest will surely cause
some to fly in. Now just trap them in there and block the exit with tin foil or
something similar. Now just wait for him to drink it.
12. We've all read the text file "25 imaginative ways to kill cats", well who
hasn't..the author is a genius and it's an excellent (written by Admiral
Halcyons and The Bad Man). Well my personall favourite in that file is the one
where you pull out the cats teeth and put a hungry rat in it's mouth. Then sew
it's mouth shut, well I think we should and will do the same to humans!!!
13. Pushing him off of a building is always fun. "Hey Rickie come see this."
<SHOVE> "AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH". You get the picture.
14. There are many utilities for killing people in your school (right at your
fingertips). Here's a few ideas. You could stab him to death with an exacto
knife, staple his eyes with a stapler, get a local gang banger to do it, give
him lead poisoning with excesive inserting of pencils into the back (stab him).
But there's also...carving his skin with scissors, burning him to death with hot
things in Family Studies. You get the picture.
15. Last and certainly not least you could kill him with a drug overdose. A good
drug to use is spees, although crack is cheaper and quicker. It's MUCH more
expensive and I haven't seen it as a powder. Speed can be slipped into a drink
and enough of it in a bottle of beer or a can of coke will kill the guy.
Well that's the phile, I hope it helps ya in yer further interests. Okay well
the official opening of Anarchists Anonymous is today (Sept 1 '93). All of our
previous texts were written before that (some in May!!!) but we wanted to
accumulate a good number of texts before officially stating ourselves as the
Anarchists of the 90's. I intend to start to work on a novel after this. It'll
be about our future world if their was an Anarchy uprising. It won't be finished
for a while so don't hold yer breath. Anyways I'll also continue to work on the
texts that we (AA) provide. Okay well that's all...now, daaaa greets.
Text Writer - Anarchial Artist
Text Writer - Purple Tentacle
Text Writer - OB Wan Kenobi
Text Writer - Entrope
Freelance Pyro - Omega
Recruit - Guile
Well one final note before my quote....Entrope is pronounced Entrophee. And
don't worry Cpt. Kid is still with us he just changed his name to Purple
Tentacle.
